Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Anna1212 01/18/2017

I have posted before my mom had a stroke, i have been off work for over a month. now my job is i jepardy. i have asked my mom to come and live with me i live in another state about 500 miles away, she shouldn't be a lone and she is willing but grudginhly and making no attempts to get ready to leave. meanwhile my boss is getting pissed. i am getting really angry at her for being so passive and seemingly insensitive to my plight. i know she has medical issues but we are both going to under if she doesn't start to take some responsibilty for what is going on in reality and face up to things have changed. she thinks she can live alone in a house with stairs, using a walker, recently having had a stroke, some memory issues, lots of trouble walking, has fallen before, can't even open her own damn pill bottles and she wants me to just leave her here arrrrggghhh and my ASSHOLE siblings are like, whatever... one recently left the country because she wanted to go to a sunnier climate even though this is all going on and she is going to be gone a month and my fucking brother lives in a forgein country and has no plans of returning or helping in any way. i am broke and need to go back to work. everything now is going on credit cards right now. i am not married and have no kids so it's just me. meanwhile i am worried about my mom and trying to keep it together here even though i feel like a volcano is erupting inside me.. anger, stress, sadness, fear. my dad is in this town but he hates me mom they are divorced and he physically emotionally abused me when i was growing up and i have to deal with him too. arrrhhhgg.. i don't have an fucking car either which just makes it that much worse. nobody to talk to except one aunt who i am not that close to but who gets what is going on and at least has some grip on reality. but i can't call her all the time because i am bugging her. i am actually hurt that my mom is basicallky ignoring my situation... the longer i stay here, the more mty job is on the line and it leaves me with less and less vacation time to the point that i may have none when i get back for the whole reast of the year and then i am totally screwed. sooo..... what do you guys think? after typing this, i think i just have to get me and mom ready the best i can to get the hell out of here and go back to where i am employed. i am actaully worried about my mom making the trip because it will be hard on her but her doctor says it's ok to travel... where i live it is very cold and i know that isn't good for people who are stroke survivors. she also has afib. shit shit shit... i am sorry but i feel so helpless right now.... i need money!! i need to work!!! i am so frustrated. if i lose my job, i won't have money or health insurance. what the fuck is wrong with her? it's like she is just going along like nothing is happening or nothing has changed. i could say it's due to the stroke but i think she is this way anyway. i am 52. she is 83. i am a woman. any advice or support would be appreciated. it's werid because i am basically her slave here, cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, getting the laundry, helping her with pills, getting the mail, etc etc. and she seems to resent me. i guess i get that to a point but i'm not ok with just leaving her here to die. she has no friends or family around and my family as i mentioned before don't want to get their lily white hands dirty over this matter. im sorry i am getting really pissed off. plus i am over eating really bad, and we don't even have enough money to sufficient food. she won't go to assisted living and there isn't any money to pay for it. if it was up to my sister and brother they would just leave her here alone or with a cleaning lady coming in once a week or something but that isn't enough for her. today i went out and checked the oil and it was getting low like maybe a week left of heat and i told her and asked her what she planned to do about that and she got mad and said i don't know.... like, what? it's like she is living in some kind of fantasy world where she doesn't take responsibity for herself and expects everyone else to do it. and now that i have written that, i guess that is true.. people have stepped in to help her financially in the past and she has always counted on that. i don't have the money anymore. arrrgggghh

Anna1212 01/18/2017

I know what you mean but I don't think it is ethical to leave her alone. She just shouldn't be alone right now. I don't know what I would do if I lost my job. it would be bad. the plan is still to take her back with me. I appreciate what you are saying. I agree basically except that I can't leave her alone. she can't figure out her own life. that's the problem.

bridgie101 01/19/2017

the job comes first. She should know that at her age. No money = no eat.

So you tell her you're going to go back before you lose your job, and she can come, go, stay or suck a fat one, as she desires.

bridgie101 01/19/2017

Oh - and stop enabling. :D you are one big enabler. You stepping in and falling on your sword carries everyone else in town and means they don't have to do anything.

She's a big girl now and so is everybody else. So tell your mum she comes with you or she makes other arrangements, and to let you know by Sunday because that's when you're leaving.

HopeandMoreHope 01/19/2017

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. This is VERY hard. You feel like you have no control and your emotions are all over the place. I have been there. I understand you feel angry but I also want to offer another perspective. Your Mom is 83 and less able to cope than she once was. If she has some memory issues as you have suggested, she may not understand the consequences of low oil, not moving, etc. She is probably very scared to leave the only place she is familiar with. This has been her home and it what she knows. Change at 83 can be really tough. She probably knows she can't take care of herself and that is probably really hard to. Your body is no longer working, you have to rely on others, she may be afraid of dying. She may be afraid that she will be a burden to you if she moves with you. I don't have answers, but these are just thoughts. It sounds like you love her deeply and that she loves you just as much. Perhaps you can call the department of aging in her town and have someone come and help you talk through the issues. There is a lot of free counseling for the elderly. Perhaps someone can sit with you and Mom and help her to understand that moving with you would be best for you and for her. I am sure you have been honest with your job; be sure they know what you are dealing with and that you are trying to get it resolved. Again, so sorry. I have been there and I faced these decisions as well. I wish you and your Mom the best. She is blessed to have you as a daughter.

muskrattiger 01/20/2017

it is hard on them at that age to louse ...there independence ........my grandmother .....needed someone to be with her at all times ..so my aunt got someone and my grand mom ...would wack her with her cane ...not real hard but .....it is insulting ....three quit .....so she put her in a home .....my grandmother ..never smiled the hole time she was there ....she wanted to by me a house.....and move in with her ...but it wasent my place ...and I still had kids at home ......she was ...82 .....so finaly she desided ...she would let someone be with her and help her ...while my aunt was at work ..............................you need to pack her up and tell her she is going with you ..and ..start packing. that's what I would do ...so you can get her use to it .....and. get home to your job .....

Anna1212 01/20/2017

Thank you everyone for writing. that was a big help to me. I am realizing that a lot of my stress is also coming from dealing with family that I usually have nothing to do with because they are so mean. my mother though is wonderful. I do love her more than anything. it's just everything else is extremely stressful. thx again. I am struggling today. I am trying to get ready to leave by sometime next week but a lot is still up in the air. my dad brother and sister all being compete assholes. I don't have any outside support except here. I am going to try to get some outside help or counselling but in the next few days before leaving I won't have the time. thank you again and bless you all for your kindness.

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