Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,808 Posts
4 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Today I woke up worse than other days

Getting_too_old_for_this
Getting_too_old_for_this

I have struggled with depression my entire life. I think even as a child I was depressed. I have never taken medication and recently my therapist suggested it again. The last time he mentioned it I freaked out and decided not to attend a session for nearly a year. 


I feel so lost, lonely, afraid and just empty. I was talking to a guy who has not been very kind to me and I was trying to be open and honest with him about this and he tried to tell me I wasn't depressed. Telling me what I'm feeling is anxiety. I didn't argue with him because he always has to be right. But he likes to tell me a lot that I'm bad at communication so I've been trying. And when I do he basically tells me I'm doing it wrong. Last night I completely shut down after talking to him and this morning I feel horrible. 


Not because of him but because it all just seems so pointless. What is the point of going to therapy? What is the point of trying to explain what I feel? What is the point of being? I therapist seems most worried because I can function outwardly and no one knows what's going on unless they actually speak to me. He's worried that I am going to spiral out of control because I'm not dealing with and pretending so I can go to work. I mean I feel like that is better than a couple of weeks ago when I wasn't going to work at all.

Lucy1109
Lucy1109
I know how you feel. I have anxiety, social phobia, and now I'm in the most bottom of the depression I was ever been. I dont see any meaning on anything. I dont want even take a shower, leave my bed, eat.
I've broke up with the love of my life. I had to. I know he was toxic to me, I've lost any confidence on him. But it really broke me. I lost every hope I had on life. After that I also dont see why I'm trying so hard to get better. I feel empthy and I just wanna see my life pass by. So I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone.
Seems to me that your therapist its not the right for you. Maybe you should try another one. Therapist had to connect with you. If they not, its worthyless. Of course going to work its a advance. In our condition means a LOT.
I understand your point about taking the medication, I also didnt want to. I try be without it. But since I'm only getting worst, I decide to try it out. Maybe will make the difference I need to. But I see that as a failure of mine, that I wasnt strong enought.
I know its easy to say, hard to do, but you have to fight. You are fighting right now just to go to be working, writing in here. That means a LOT. its a great advance. Keep going . Keep strenght.
Hugs
akacountrygirl
akacountrygirl
The point of dealing with your feelings, depression, isolation is so that you can be happy and productive in your life. Meds do work. Talk to your doctor about an antidepressant. Watch for side effects, etc. Try it, you may be surprised. There is also a natural antidepressant, St. John's Wart. Careful not to mix it with a Rx of antidepressants and make sure it doesn't interfere with any other drugs you may be taking.
Getting_too_old_for_this
Getting_too_old_for_this
I have to ask akacountrygirl what is the point of being happy and productive in life? That is what my depression makes me wonder.
Esther513
Esther513
I am so sorry that you have these struggles, and that it all just seems so pointless. There was a time in my life where I too felt that life was pointless, and it was a lonely place to be. I am glad that you are seeing a therapist, and it sounds like he does care for your well-being. Have you ever been part of a support group or do you go to a church that offers counseling? Learning how much I was loved by God and understanding that God loved me and that there was a very specific purpose for my life changed my life in tremendous ways...it may do the same for you. I am praying for you.
Esther513
Esther513
I am so sorry that you have these struggles, and that it all just seems so pointless. There was a time in my life where I too felt that life was pointless, and it was a lonely place to be. I am glad that you are seeing a therapist, and it sounds like he does care for your well-being. Have you ever been part of a support group or do you go to a church that offers counseling? Learning how much I was loved by God and understanding that God loved me and that there was a very specific purpose for my life changed my life in tremendous ways...it may do the same for you. I am praying for you.
sharaninmd
sharaninmd
I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life, but didn't get any help until I was in my thirties. When I first starting seeing a psychiatrist, I resisted for a long time to take medication. I finally realized that I should try medication, it made a huge difference for me. You may want to reconsider and give it a try. I am sorry you are struggling like this. Everyone here on this site wants to help and support you. Please continue to talk to us.
hygeia4life
hygeia4life
Try this exercise. Even if you only catch a glimpse of calm, that's enough, simply so that you can see there is a depth to your being that you can feel.

I like this exercise because as somebody who spent a lot of time in therapy, the imagery felt familiar, walking into a room to be with somebody who could help me feel better, it's just that the approaches are different and i find his guidance helpful.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wa5IF7x-ziA