Hi, Lonely1
I had not responded to your earlier discussion regarding suicide because I didn't know what to say. I have since read your post, without reading the replies and if I may, yes depression is heraditary, suicide, itself isn't, but depending on the level of the depression, you could be predisposed to that intensity.
I am not here to make you feel bad, guilty or anything else. Every normal human being, even those that don't suffer from depression has the thought go through their minds at least once in their life.
I have been on both sides of this coin, I have had suicidal thoughts before to the point of waking my husband up in the middle of the night out of fear I would harm myself, to being ready to go to the local psych ward.
I have had a cousin and a brother-in-law both commit suicide. It is not a conversation I take lightly.
I feel bad you felt you were kind of left hanging, if I had known what to say, I would have spoken up.

I understand your feelings of being unselfish for so many for so long, I did it also for 21 years then it was all gone in a instant, however i think you might be taking the word selfish far to personal or looking at it in another view. My brother commited suicide 5 years ago, it was the most trama i have ever suffered, i couldnt understand, why ? , i walked around in a daze for weeks, couldnt work ,couldnt think, wasnt even in my own body i swear that was how it felt, i was like on the outside looking at my self and couldnt do anything I was empty,the hurt was so close to unbearable that all i wanted was to go and talk to him and ask him why..... i was contemplating my suicide so i could get to him, i said this in front of someone and they heard the seriousness of my comment,and brought it to my attention and thank god they did,i feared that my other brother and i would be capable of the same thing because we also had an uncle that committed suicide it was so very hard, i actually had so much fear of this that i went and got a tattoo of a bleeding black heart so i could look at it everyday to remind myself never to let myself feel that way because that was how he must of felt that day, about 3 years later i have a police officer come to my door to tell me that my oldest son was being air lifted and because he came as soon as it came over radio as a personal favor, because he knew my son because he was a trouble maker, that all he knew was suicide and he was being air lifted didnt know his status, my husband and i drove 1 hr, to get to our son , we didnt know if he was dead or alive, it was the longest ride a person could make, when we got there he was on a ventaletor, thank god he was alive, But you see there are very many things and people to think of what about your dad ,yea your angry at him, but are you that angry, brothers,sisters, grandma, grandpa,or your mom anyone you are in contact with will be effected,even your pets. you know who would you expect to make your funeral arrangements,take care of your personal stuff,oh and what about finding your body ,who would be responsiable for that , or call your friends, or your classmates.Those are all things that my brother and i had to do, and i dont believe that we deserved that and he made a choice and at that point it become selfish because he had options he just chose to not use them. There was approx.200 people at his funeral and they weren't strangers they were in his life and close to him, there was 200 people that he effected by making the choice to die . thats what you think about, yea we have selfish ass people in our lives but to hell with them , We have to take care of ourselves there is NO ONE other than ourselves. We have to be responsible for our wellbeing. So i hope that i can be your friend or the officer that knocked on my door ,because he cared, my son might have been a troublemaker but that didnt matter he was still someones child and that made the differance. so please slow down , breathe, think, and love your self enough to make the choice to live and to heal yourself and be proud of who you are, even when times are bad. PRAYERS for you

I just finished making this comment on the Suicide Topic......I think it applies here as well.
I agree, depression can be hereditary and that depression does and can cause a person to commit suicide. However, I do not think we should stand in judgment of those who do commit suicide. Unless we have felt the pain they were feeling with their (not our) personal ability to cope with that pain we shall never know where they were really at. We may all have a common thread of knowledge of the pain, but we can never know anothers actual pain and actual ability to cope with that pain. So, how can we set ourselves up to judge them? And looking at it from another perspective, how about considering that it is selfish of the ones left who are only thinking of me me me and I I I never acknowledging the depth/level of pain the person must have been struggling to endure? There are two sides to every coin.
Also, people with constant thoughts of suicide usually are having them because even if they are unaware of it, it makes them feel like they have some control. In other words, they know that they always have that option, suicide, if their pain out weighs their ability to cope any more. We as a society will put a dog down in a heart beat so it will not suffer, but we do not give that courtesy to another human being. And yet, when out on the battle field if a comrade has suffered an injury where he will slowly and agonizingly die, his buddy will be merciful and put a bullet through his head. The means justifies the end.

I agree with you lonely1. It is very condesending and wrong to call someone who is thinking about suicide selfish. They are saying that someones sole reason to live should be to not upset there family? thats ridiculous. people are going to hate me on here and i dont mean to influence you to do anything but I really inderstand what you mean and i just felt i needed to let you know that your not alone. If you want to talk sometime let me know.

I agree with you, lonely1. I have heard suicide referred to as selfish, cowardly, taking the easy way out, "a permanent solution to a temporary problem", etc. People who make such comments may be well-meaning or they are just condescending or ignorant.

You are not being selfish at all. When I have thought about suicide, my thoughts were that I was tired of being a burden to my husband and children (even though I try and hide it with my children). I don't think that's thinking selfishly at all. If anything, people with depression never put themselves first obviously. It is scary when you are very depressed. Some people can't take it anymore . .bless their hearts . .God is taking care of them now . . .my dad told me if I would wake up each morning and tell myself that I was going to have a great day, that I would be better with my depression - NOW THAT DOES MAKE SOMEONE WANT TO DO SOMETHING OUT OF JUST ANGER . . I hate it when he says ridiculous b.s. like that. Don't let people make you feel shameful. I don't want you to do anything to yourself either. You are a precious person. Let's fight this depression together. I ask God to take it away everyday. I told him that if he would, I would spend the rest of my life trying to help others. Much love . . .