This is my first post here.  This may not be the right forum for this.  I am 35-years-old and I was raised by a narcissist.  I have always had issues with forming relationships (beyond friends).  Part of me is frustrated that I am so bad at what seems to come natural for most human beings (e.g., pursuing intimate relationships).  On the other hand, I feel like there is no point in trying to pursue relationships because I would simply waste my time getting rejected.  I know that sounds bad.  I guess a better way of saying it is that I wish I could be content alone.  I do not want to be alone (and hopefully you get what I am saying by "alone"), but it seems inevitable.  I've been rejected as most people have, but I often internalize it. I often feel rejected on the inside, and a lot of it stems from my upbringing.  The fear of rejection from others keeps me from trying.  I know that relationships are not the end-all-be-all.  I have to make myself happy and be kind to myself instead of expecting someone to do it for me.  I do that to the best of my ability.  But sometimes the desire for companionship is very strong and I feel anxious and frustrated rather than content.  What I just said probably sounds crazy but I'm hoping someone can understand what I'm trying to convey.  I am just so tired of feeling stuck.  Sometimes I wish I could get rid of my desire for companionship and simply focus on other things.  It seems like that would be much easier than dealing with the anxiety and frustration.