Please keep eating...
I know you moved to a new school, and now you have a different counselor and all of that...But is there a teacher that you can trust? I really think you need to tell someone what your dad has been doing. It's not right for a parent to keep canceling your app like that...Is there a family member? A parent of a friend? Someone?

HUGS

i have no one here...im alone....im too scared to tlk in skool... he said he can make me miserable...i already am but i dont want to get worse...thats why im not SI'ing eithr cuz i kno im overly hurt nd i dont wanna do anything crzy cuz i know if i did i wudnt go knocking on my dads door saying i need to go to the hospital

I agree with Friend. . .you need to keep eating. Eating does affect your mood. Have you tried telling him how you feel? If not verbally then write him a letter. . .my mother and I had a rocky relationship but, if I wanted to get her attention I would write her a letter and it got it. Please don't hurt yourself. . I know you are hurting and feel alone but, u need to focus your energy on fixing the situation - -not adding to it

You have to eat. You don't want fights over food and eating on top of everything else. You also need to eat so that you can think clearly. When you don't eat, your blood sugar level can drop dangerously low. That can make you feel weak, shaky, dizzy, confused, afraid. If you also are not drinking, you can become dehydrated and the levels of electrolytes such as potassium and sodium in your blood can get out of balance. This can cause dangerous heart arrhythmias and kidney failure. You might faint or have a seizure. So please don't take these risks with your health.

And please don't hurt yourself. That's just going to upset your father too. I'm not saying you should give in to him and do things his way. Just choose your battles carefully, because you can't fight over everything at once.

Can your mother help you? Can she advocate for you with your dad? What does she think about your counseling?

I'm so sorry you feel so alone in this. Is there anyone else in the family who could help you? Can you continue some of the things you were working on with your therapist on your own, such as your journal?

Oh ya like abuseing yourself is going to punish someone else,lol
If you pulled hand full of your hair out to punish your dad,lol, would your dad feel the pain on his head that you feel even though he hadn't pulled his hair. This logic doesn't make any sense.

Your liveing in your parents or your father house ? If so your paying room rental rent,right. Then the kitchen & laundry rm is common - shared area.
Go work and out to vist your friends and when you return go to your rm - its your, will, the room is your home.

With rm rental recite and proof of household income which you maybe able to get thur your mother go apply for food assistance for your own self.
( your parents have already raised you and they dont own you a liveing)

Now to solve you minor dificult regarding your Dr & therapest appts.. Ask your Dr offc or hospital where a state funded mental health center is located nearest you and for the ph no..
step 2. with your mother assistance get proff of hosuehold income - house where your renting a rm.
Step 3. call center and make appt to become a client.
step 4. obtain transportation to & from the center. ask next door neighbour ( even if you dont know the neighbour, ask anyway),ask your mother, family member, If you have $5.00 call the center and request van transpotrtation service and make sure a $5.00 tip is suitable. I think tanspoartation service to center clients is provide thur tips.
Step 5, take photo ID and proof of house hold income and keep your appt w the center.
Step 6, make an appt to see a pdoc.
Step 7, make arrangement for center van service to pick you up on your schedule appt date at least 1 hr before your appt. take a bottle of water w you.
Step 8, ask you pdoc to help you obtain a therapest in the center.
Step 9, hug yourself, your a big girl now.
Oh ya state funded mental health centers off slideing scale fee which is based on person income and household income. the state funded can not refuse service to thise who can not pay for services rendored.

Your @#&$# Dad doesnt want you telling an edu medical worker about him and his behavior and his verbally abuse and him preventing you from obtaining medical care.
he knows he's a mean stupid pumpious ass and state workers can come down on his neck for him abuseing you. espically if you have already been diog w depression or BP and/or any other type of mental illness.

Oh ya just incase you didn't know when you rent a rm in a private home the landlord has to provide ph service w a toll block on it so you can call 911 if needed.

will gotta go for now, Take care

im gonna eat, i promise.

i wont hurt myself, mainly cuz im only allowd once a month but im to tired to. (i dont hurt myself for him, cuz ofcourse i know it doesnt effect, i do it cuz i sometimes need to cause that destruction, and no one can punish me for doing it b/c its me, i can do wat i want to myself)

the most important thing to me something i wanna fight for is to see my therapist thats why im pretending in normal so he can maybe let me go and im gonna call her tomoro and tell her wats going on.....my mom doesnt think its fair, he said he cant take away therapy like that then she offered to call him or my step mom but i told her its only gonna make him think ur telling him wat to do. so i told her ill just call my therapist...my mom doesnt believe in therapy at all she says my depression and PTSD ar emade up in my head, the whole fam says that.

the last session my therapist told me to continue writting in a journal, i told her i only write on DS cuz no one knows about it and she said to continue tracking my moods on the calendar.

btw im not my dad's tennant, im 16 i have to live here

Are you responsible for his shitty feelings? I would say not. Are you hurting him by starving your beautiful self? Again, my opinion, you are not. You and you alone are in control of the choices you will make. If you choose not to care for the house, your body, in which you live, there are consequences for that. I respect your choice, but must ask you this: How does hurting your own body help you, or hurt him?

More opinion. Some black shirt men could find him and teach him about manhood. As he stands, better male could be carved from banana. And I am being as nice as I can about that. Huggz 4 U. Support also.

im not trying to hurt him, im trying to feel in controll.....u know i really think my mind is lost....i kno im not the same as 2 yrs ago....i go into these bits of rage and start throwing things....im rly not happy and thers nothing i can do

ItZjustme, Did you know that it is against the law for your parents to w/hold - denie -prevent you from getting medical care.
I doubt that courts would side w your parents and denie you medical care espical care - treament for mental illness.
Check phone book under attys. and find 1 that offers free consultation. The atty might talk w you over the phone instead of in person. Simply ask the atty what youu can do to make your parents allow you to get medical care that your pdoc say that you need and that your pdoc has already evalurated you and wants you to continue treatment. ask if law can interveen and force your parents to obey the law.
Ask the atty if she/he would contact your pdoc and after doing so would she/he send your parents a letter telling them basically that they can be held legally accountable for denieing you medical care.


Again if your mom could - would obtain proof of your dad household income and you have photo id. you could make an appt with state funded mental health center. You current pdoc might (?) beable to get the center to provide you van transportation to & from the center being that you will be a client of the center.

If by chance you do not have a drivers license you can still get a photo Id from Dept of motor vech ( same place where people get thier drivers license ) an not sure but fee might be $10.00
Maybe your mom will loan you the money and you can do her laundry - 1 time to repay the loan.

when I was 16 I had a live in job and paid homeless man & woman to pretend that they where my parents so I could go to school.
I worked from either 3pm or 4pm till 7am
Me bad, I sorta of barrowed a car and obtained my drivers license. I returned the car w/in same day. I do not recommend doing that. I was luck that guy didnt press charges. But thats going bk into the 70tys, things where difrent then.

Please do not harm yourself. I think that you might maybe doing so as your way of haveing some sort of control (?)

We half to eat on reg bases and sleep on ref schedule time daily.

I use to be like a tax. in a pink dress befor my pdoc put me on Lamictal. I also take Hydroxyzine for anxiety on when needed bases. You might opt to ask your current pdoc about said meds and if they might be benifital to you.

Oh ya, the mental health center can assist you in signing up for medication assistance. I think that application fee is $10.00
with med assistance program your meds will go to center at no cost to you or next to nothing cost.

Will Sweet Pea, I don't know what else to share w you at this time.

Later Gator.

thank you for sharing! :)

since im 16 i cud get a permit...i went to my moms house over the summer and we (my brother and me and our mom ) deceded that if my dad wasnt gonna let us get a permit in Jersey were we live then we'll do it in ny.....but then he wudnt give us anything so we cudnt get it...ill be 17 in december so now i can get a permit easier.

everything is hard because here in this shit hole i cant do anything except go to school and come back....i cant even get an after job, wen i wanna join clubs im like interrogated until he says its ok, i cud barely hang out with friends.....but in the new frickin town i have none to hang out with.

ur idea about contacting an atty is a good one, i think im gonna do that...thanks!

the psych at the hospital in April said something about meds and therapy together but idk wat happened with that and idk if i wanna be on any meds...i dont wanna lose control of myself (my mind) even tho i think im already heading that way.

dont worry i wont hurt myself anytime this month and im eating again

u know wat...im just gonna call my therapist

i really need to tlk to someone...

I like your plan to call your counselor and maybe an attorney. Perhaps the counselor has someone to refer to you.

Good on you for knowing you won't hurt yourself this month--I hope that goes into October.

I wish your Mom was more involved in your life.

i beg her to live with her and she says "o u just have one year, the skool is good over ther, blah blah blah!!!!" and so i dont get anywhere with that...the counselor at my other skool wanted me to go to foster care but i dont want to cuz they sometimes get more abused there....i will try an dhold out and stuff but its sooo hard....i called my therapist today and she said she is going to call my dad today and i will ask him tonite if i can see her