If you are posting here, then you are looking for help and reasons to stop thinking this.

You may be looking for the pain to stop, but is it possible that what you are realling looking for is happiness? Death does not = happiness it is absence. So will it really get you what you want?

If you close your eyes, and think about someone you love a face will pop up. Can you talk to that person. And also, please think of your family and the fact of all the pain your loss will cause.

We have known no less than 3 people who have commited suicide in as many years. The pain that caused was so many more people then they would have ever known. They were good people, and so many people they could have reached out to that would have been there. Please, consider this, and stop considering the way out is to end your life, but moreso to look at the problems and how to address this.

I advise to go outside every morning and smell the new air, that is the beginning of things that you have a chance to do.

May your future be bright.

I know how you feel. But I don't have a child so it's different for me. I don't have the strength to go on, but guess what? Life doesn't care. Life keeps rolling on whether I am strong enough or not. Life is lonely and painful and I long for the day I am free of it.
You know you have to take care of your child, so if you are concerned about suicidal thoughts you need to seek help. a doctor or therapist. And keep posting here - we care

stillshocked - I believe I am looking for happiness. But right now it seems out of reach so the next best thing is anything that isn't this painful...

heretic - yes. Life just keep going on, somehow, no matter how much we wish it wouldn't...

I am reaching out. I have a therapist and she's making me call her twice a day. She said if I miss a call she'll have me committed. Perhaps that wouldn't be a bad thing, but I don't know who'll look after my kid if that happens...

I also have a girlfriend but we haven't been together very long and I don't want to freak her out. I've told her that I'm depressed, but not that I'm having suicidal thoughts. I really don't want to lay this on her this early in the relationship... She's one of very few good things in my life right now.

Thank you for caring.

I didn't intend for it to sound as if you were not currently looking for happiness. I guess I should have better said, continue looking for happiness.

I am so sorry you feel this way, and we are all here even though it is a distance. Wish the best for you, and hope tomorrows will be brighter.

The fact that you've expressed yourself here is indication that you at least want help..you have a girlfriend that cares for you inspite of your depression (I don't think I'd mention your suicidal ideations either)..you also have, what seems to be, an empathetic, caring Therapist; and last but certainly not least, is your child..
You certainly have much to live for just in the few things you've mentioned..hopefully, therapy can identify the root caused so it can be properly treated - until then, perhaps trying to keep yourself busy (child, girlfriend, hobbies, etc.) to distract & keep those defeating thoughts at bay..

a dr once told me that it is natural to be thinking of a "way out" when the going gets rough after i told him i had been thinking of suicide.
It would be much easier to not have to deal with life...but, alas, life has to go on- your child is counting on you.
Take care (((((big hugs)))))

When you say you don't know if you'll go through with it I'm guessing what you mean is that you feel so out of control that you possibly don't know what you might or might not do. I know you are scared but you came here for a reason.... probably the same reason a lot of people come here. If you want to have a chat let me know. I'm no shrink but I'll listen, I will give a shit and I will try to offer what comfort I can.

I completely know where you're coming from because I'm almost in the same boat as you. I've attempted twice before & feel like you a lot of the time without trying, it just naturally goes through my head & I haven't thought of a plan or anything like that but I just think about it. I go to crisis chats & I always describe it like that, there's no other way to describe it. I still get help because there's this dark feeling in me that knows something isn't right & maybe I should speak up about it more to save myself since my behavior is so unpredictable - even to myself most of the time.

I really hope you try your hardest to live for your daughter. In a way, I know I'm living for my mom. I go to her everytime I feel suicidal & she helps me. You should see a therapist or talk to someone seriously about your suicidal thoughts. Don't risk it. Just think of how precious your daughter is & where she'll end up if you just leave her by killing yourself. I'm sure there's a way to try & get yourself out of this rut. I wish you the best in the future.

Thank you to all of those...

Well, I'm still here, obviously.

I made it through the night by watching my daughter sleep, and telling myself all the time that she needs me... she needs her dad... My girlfriend is coming over soon, so then I'll be safe for the next few hours.

I feel like I'm on a knife's edge and I'm scared that even the smallest trigger can send me over the edge. I just hope that if that should happen I'm not alone. I guess that's why I came here. If guess I'm hoping that if I loose it I'll find someone on here to talk me out of it...

I'll always be here if you need someone to talk to.