Last night I thought I was pretty okay. Nothing major happened. I did get some answers I think on this whole situation I am going through. But when I started to go to bed I began to really consider suicide. Of finding a bridge and jumping off. Of how i need to add an heir to my bank account. Of how I would park the car and leave notes. BUT I DON"T WANT TO! I cried. I screamed. I cried. The only thing keeping me from doing it is how would the boys handle it. Then I begin to think the family is right, that the boys would be better off without me. I can't take the fighting anymore. I did nothing to deserve this. I cannot go on like this. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow. Gotta make it till then...I have to make it through one more screwed up night. (cry)
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