Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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This is it

myfightisover38
myfightisover38
I feel so stupid writing this. I'm writing this as if it matters. I know that I don't. I know I'm nothing. That's why I am leaving this earth. I don't know why I am sharing this, but it feels real. There is not a thing anyone can do to convince me that I should keep living. I get to this point after all the hell I've been through. Family, instead of coming out and saying that they just don't want anything to do with me, strung me along for all these years. All these years of me trying and thinking one day they'd accept me back, even though they knew all along that wasn't the plan. Well they don't have to worry about dealing with me anymore. This will be my first "real" attempt and I just don't care about anything. All I know is I won't have to live to continually be publicly humiliated, shamed, and most importantly confused. I swear I wish I had done this years ago. I don't expect anyone to respond. Like I said, I am out there, no one likes me, people have gone to extremes to make sure I know I am S***. So I'm not looking for anything.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Don't feel stupid for writing what you're feeling. I have had thoughts about not so much ending it, but just not caring if I lived. I also understand about family. My children have deserted me in favor of their father, who cheated on me repeatedly and gave me herpes. He has a new girlfriend now and is anxious to incorporate her into my childrens' lives. It's never easy feeling like you don't matter. Talk to me some more.
myfightisover38
myfightisover38
@medicsally

I see what you mean about not caring if you live. I've tried to at least think this way, but I just don't want to even live. Death, for me, means an end to something I can't deal with. I am absolutely ready.

I'm sorry to hear about the issue with your kids. It's not right, but in due time they'll see it too. I can relate to the herpes situation. I don't have herpes but at 16 I was given 3 STD's. All at one time! I felt kinda how I feel all these years later, worthless. So, I'm done here, my minds made up.

I just wanted to say I hope your children come around soon. I know how painful the whole thing must be for you. Just keep on keeping on, and take care.

Oh, and thanks for commenting on my post.
gustokitty
gustokitty
hey myfight, I signed on feeling pretty terrible. Posted in general areas, w no response. then I though, let me look in crisis. and it has helped me realizing I am not the only one feeling so horrible. not that I am glad you or anyone else feels this bad, i'm not. but just that what we are feeling is human. and being human really hurts when in an inhumane world, where people seem to have no empathy, compassion, love for others. just they're own damn selves. sometimes I wish I could be that person who is always just looking at others for what I could finagle out of them, whether "narcisstic supply", generosity, or what. but i'm not like that. I guess I engrained a long time ago I would not lose certain traits, kind of like peter pan in a way...but I have grown up a lot in the last year. and i'm all ready 50, soo.... well, I hope by some miracle you are feeling better. -gk