Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi,
Thanks for the space to come here. I wanted to write a few things because I am a bit confused at the moment. I have been a part of a support group in my area for quite a while and I have learned a lot from it. They have specific ways of thinking and doing things regarding relationships. One thing they talk about is the intellectual process of being in a relationship. Sometimes I feel like it is over intellectualized, when they talk about evaluating people. More than a few of the leaders say that romantic attraction is basically irrelevant, as well as any other attraction, like it's all facts. One of the women who runs it does not have success in her relationships. Sometimes, I feel like this approach to dating, and the approach that I have had noticed, is to approach dating with suspicion, as if to look at all the things that could go wrong and intellectualize it all.
Sometimes I wonder if this approach could cause one to be alone. I broke up with someone I cared about, I think, partly because I find the prospect of being someone really scary. I tried it before, and when it failed, well, I was pretty alone. Not a good situation. I don't want to lose myself to someone, to have them be my all, and find out at the end of the day I have nothing. This has happened to me like three or four times. But, how do you break out of excessive fears? It is so hard.
orion
Thanks for the space to come here. I wanted to write a few things because I am a bit confused at the moment. I have been a part of a support group in my area for quite a while and I have learned a lot from it. They have specific ways of thinking and doing things regarding relationships. One thing they talk about is the intellectual process of being in a relationship. Sometimes I feel like it is over intellectualized, when they talk about evaluating people. More than a few of the leaders say that romantic attraction is basically irrelevant, as well as any other attraction, like it's all facts. One of the women who runs it does not have success in her relationships. Sometimes, I feel like this approach to dating, and the approach that I have had noticed, is to approach dating with suspicion, as if to look at all the things that could go wrong and intellectualize it all.
Sometimes I wonder if this approach could cause one to be alone. I broke up with someone I cared about, I think, partly because I find the prospect of being someone really scary. I tried it before, and when it failed, well, I was pretty alone. Not a good situation. I don't want to lose myself to someone, to have them be my all, and find out at the end of the day I have nothing. This has happened to me like three or four times. But, how do you break out of excessive fears? It is so hard.
orion
i think it's interesting that you state that you feel the way they talk about relationships as being over intellectualized. you mention that they seem to say romantic attraction is irrelevant... what kind of attraction is relevant to them? more importantly - what is relevant to you?
the whole intellectual side of it sounds like an interesting idea of determining what you are looking for in a relationship, but it doesn't seem like it would be a successful way to MAINTAIN a relationship imho.
the only way you can get over a fear of jumping is to jump. it's hard to not give your all to a relationship when that's who you are. i know how that is. what used to help me was, instead of being sad and focusing so much on what i lost at the end of a relationship, was to look back and see what i had learned. if i looked at that loss as a learning experience - what did i learn about myself, about the world around me - it wasn't as devastating.
Thank you everyone, so much. So many insightful people here. I really appreciate Steph's response about the distinction between determining if a relationship is right vs. maintaining it. And yes, kool is right about trying to keep a cool head when conflicts come up, because yes, I would agree that any sexual relationship with emotional attraction and passion has the potential to become too passionate-almost dangerous-when serious conflict arises. It's like all of that heat and passion switches over to ANGER, the energy has to go somewhere, so methodical is right when it comes to managing conflict IMHO. Thank you everyone, have happy-or at least decent-holiday.
orion