Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I returned home around 4 am the morning after Thanksgiving. I had rips in my jeans, blood on my hoodie, and a big knot on my forehead. My wife came out of bed startled and asked why I was home so soon. It took me a few days to open up to my wife, eventually I told her how my Dad got messed-up and tried to shoot my brother and I during our family get together (a story for another time). I shouldnt have gone but I was desperate for love from my family.
I remember her crying; she just looked at me and balled. It seemed like at that moment everything I had ever tried to explain to her about my past made sense. She finally got it, all those nights listening to me whine, she understood. It was as if the physical reality of seeing me bruised and bloodied allowed her to grasp the realities of my stories.
It made me feel good to finally have her full attention and to know how much she cared. I realized it wasnt that she didnt care before; it was that she didnt understand. Whos to blame her? Arent we all desensitized anymore? We hear about horrific things happening in the news everyday but we learn to tune them out. Kids getting drowned by their parents, people getting beheaded, people being massacred in movie theaters
Hearing a bad story doesnt even give you a fraction of understanding the trauma as opposed to actually living it. I think thats why I stopped telling my stories, because words never did it any justice. Hell Id recommend you do the same. At least until you find someone who will understand because they have walked a mile in similar shoes.
Unfortunately that story doesnt end with my wife understanding me forever and the two of us riding off into the sunset together. Its been about four months and now shes back to where she was before. Its as if the event above never happened, we all have short-term memories to some extent.
I have been extremely worried about my mom as she is in an abusive relationship and has a severe drinking problem. My mom sends me pictures of herself after being beat, I get calls from the ER and the police; its just nerve-wracking. It brings me down but when Im blue my wife thinks Im just being a baby. She doesnt take the big picture into consideration; she thinks it has to do with whatever is happening in our lives at the current moment.
I dont think shes insensitive or evil (at least not all the time, :P). Hell shes one of the most caring individuals Ive met.
I think its just that her life has been so overwhelmingly positive, that it makes it hard for her to understand. She and I have brains that are wired differently and it would be foolish of me to expect to her to understand my needs and anguish. Thats just it, its not a lack of care, its a lack of understanding. Until recently thats the mistake Ive been making, Ive been thinking that she just didnt give a damn.
Thats what I want to express to you. Is there a person in your life that does not give you the support you need? I bet it hurts you, makes you furious, or feel otherwise unloved. If you really dissect this relationship, Im sure that you would come to the realization that they do love you, its just that they dont truly understand what youre going through. Give them the benefit of the doubt, dont let their inability to understand your situation damage the relationship.
Appreciate the relationship for what its worth and leave it at that. All relationships have positive aspects among them or they wouldnt last. Its not that they dont care, they do love you, they just dont get it!
Brock
I remember her crying; she just looked at me and balled. It seemed like at that moment everything I had ever tried to explain to her about my past made sense. She finally got it, all those nights listening to me whine, she understood. It was as if the physical reality of seeing me bruised and bloodied allowed her to grasp the realities of my stories.
It made me feel good to finally have her full attention and to know how much she cared. I realized it wasnt that she didnt care before; it was that she didnt understand. Whos to blame her? Arent we all desensitized anymore? We hear about horrific things happening in the news everyday but we learn to tune them out. Kids getting drowned by their parents, people getting beheaded, people being massacred in movie theaters
Hearing a bad story doesnt even give you a fraction of understanding the trauma as opposed to actually living it. I think thats why I stopped telling my stories, because words never did it any justice. Hell Id recommend you do the same. At least until you find someone who will understand because they have walked a mile in similar shoes.
Unfortunately that story doesnt end with my wife understanding me forever and the two of us riding off into the sunset together. Its been about four months and now shes back to where she was before. Its as if the event above never happened, we all have short-term memories to some extent.
I have been extremely worried about my mom as she is in an abusive relationship and has a severe drinking problem. My mom sends me pictures of herself after being beat, I get calls from the ER and the police; its just nerve-wracking. It brings me down but when Im blue my wife thinks Im just being a baby. She doesnt take the big picture into consideration; she thinks it has to do with whatever is happening in our lives at the current moment.
I dont think shes insensitive or evil (at least not all the time, :P). Hell shes one of the most caring individuals Ive met.
I think its just that her life has been so overwhelmingly positive, that it makes it hard for her to understand. She and I have brains that are wired differently and it would be foolish of me to expect to her to understand my needs and anguish. Thats just it, its not a lack of care, its a lack of understanding. Until recently thats the mistake Ive been making, Ive been thinking that she just didnt give a damn.
Thats what I want to express to you. Is there a person in your life that does not give you the support you need? I bet it hurts you, makes you furious, or feel otherwise unloved. If you really dissect this relationship, Im sure that you would come to the realization that they do love you, its just that they dont truly understand what youre going through. Give them the benefit of the doubt, dont let their inability to understand your situation damage the relationship.
Appreciate the relationship for what its worth and leave it at that. All relationships have positive aspects among them or they wouldnt last. Its not that they dont care, they do love you, they just dont get it!
Brock
By that, I mean your Mother's situation, and your Father's behavior .. all coming from BEYOND you .. is more than she (ever) bargained for.
From all you have posted ... I can sympathize .. but with all that negativity, chaos, etc ... I would not be happily married to you.
Perhaps ..... it is time to put her BEFORE all the dysfunction.
I think your wife is coping with things the best way she can. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to feel down in the dumps over this, and she doesn't want you to feel down in the dumps. So, she copes and naturally wants you to cope with her. After all, it is something that holds you back.
Great post!
She is doing me a service by staying with me and putting up with the bullshit I inherit from my family. I need to start being more grateful for that because there aren't a lot people who would be willing to accept me as I am.
It's funny because as I kid I always planned on ditching my family completely to build one of my own and yet I seemed to have lost touch with that reality. I grew up and became sympathetic, but I appreciate the reminder. It's time to prioritize the family I am building with my wife over the family I grew-up with.
Cypress I hadn't considered that approach with my parents. I do understand why they are the way they from what I know from their past. I can take that a step further and tilt the perspective positively to think of them in terms of what they've overcome. Instead of looking at their short-comings, consider how it could have been worse and be fortunate for the good intentions they had.
I'm starting to believe mindset and perspective shifts are the only solutions to overcoming such situations.
Thanks,
Brock
I do believe that is the 'natural' course .... more or less.
ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) groups and therapy would benefit you.
Sure. My caveat .... 'more or less'.