Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
i feel pathetic in every aspect imaginable. I know I should not feel this way because I have so much going for me. I am a student at the University of Illinois, I have a solid job but I am an outcast. I always have been since I was young. My earliest memories in school were kids telling me "get away from me weirdo" and it continued on until my sophomore year in high school when I grew and was bigger than most kids. I have had to deal with extensive racism since the first day I arrived at this university, even having cops follow me as I left class. I can barely walk down the street without seeing people acknowledge me and cross the street to not walk past me. I see girls clutch their bags and speed walk whenever I am close. I have never been an aggressive person I have always simply wanted to be accepted for who I am but it seems like that will never happen. I have become extremely secluded from the public and have no real friends. I know this because a real friend would not simply call me whenever they need a favor as that is the only time anyone ever reaches out to me. I want to leave this school to regain some sanity but my parents told me I was throwing my life away by leaving even after telling them what I go through on a daily basis. I am constantly told my way of thinking is wrong that I will not do anything with my life unless I change. I was diagnosed with ADHD and was on medication that sent me into a state of psychosis. I stopped doing work and my gpa has suffered dramatically. I fear I will be kicked out at the end of this semester and will truly be deemed as a failure. I am the first person in my family to make it to a prestigious school and yet no one believes in me. I want to die so badly but I know I won't commit suicide. I find myself praying that something happen to simply just end it all. I have been like this since I was in high school so almost 7 years now. I am judged by the color of my skin not my character everywhere I go, and when I do interact with people they say I come off as an asshole. I honestly can say people do not truly listen to the words I say rather to the tone of voice I say it in, which I guess is an asshole tone of voice. I am suppose to be finishing a project right now but I can't even find enough reason to continue on with my life let alone finish this stupid project. I hate the curriculum here, I hate the way it is taught and I wish I didn't have to be here but I know no one will respect me unless I have a college degree. I don't know what to do anymore, I find myself crying on a regular basis and have asked for help before and all im ever told is "things will get better" this world is a piece of shit world where we as humans create all the suffering for what? to live in a "civilized" world where everything revolves around material things and stupid fucking paper (money) that we place full connotation to. I hate this world and what is has done to me. I used to have a nickname "smiles" because I was always smiling but I find it immensely difficult to find joy out of anything. I do still enjoy certain things but I am always told what I enjoy is going to take me nowhere in life so I try to refrain from doing it. Someone, anyone please help.
I however am going to succeeded in my plan
People who think that a certain way of thinking is all that's required for things to go well are quite naive, and I'm not sure they can be reasoned with, so it might be best to avoid some of them if possible unless you're certain that they're correct.
I personally have not had success with medication (other than a bit less pain), but I'd recommend seeing if you can get an anti-depressant instead if you haven't already and see if it works. If that won't help or isn't possible, it'd probably be best to join a group of some sort like on the meetup website or campus. I'm personally thinking about joining a skeptics/atheist group soon. You could try that if you're a nonbeliever, or if you're religious, maybe a religious group is worth a try. Sometimes there are local groups for people dealing with depression and other psychological disorders, too or you can just join a hobby group if none of that is needed. Perhaps something with politics since you are bothered by the way society is structured. I'm not sure what you enjoy, and I know it's painful when people aren't supportive and tell you it can't be done, but you should at least do some of that for fun if not for a job.