You are the best one who can help you. But, if your brain really was dead, you would not have even be able to type this post...........

Maybe you do have something that hasn't been diagnosed yet. I used to feel the same way and still have hard times. I've gotten the most help from my therapist. Maybe you don't have words right now and all you can do is cry, that is ok. I've been there. I've had a few counselors until I found the right one. Same with med management. I see a psychatric nurse for meds instead of a psychiatrist. She has been a life saver. You will find your words when your mind and body is ready. I spent a few years in counseling every week saying, I've got nothing. Meaning, I had no words for how I felt. My counselor didn't give up on me. We did find another diagnosis or 2. They weren't easy to face but now we're making progress. I couldn't even cry before and now I can. It's hard to get used to. Keep it up, you will get there. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Before you go see your doctor or therapist next time, try writing down everything you’re thinking and feeling. That way all you have to do is reference that in your sessions.

Thank you for sharing. It isn't about going to a Therapist or Psychiatrist, but about going to the right one for you. Say you never had ice cream, and wanted to try. You try peanut butter favored ice cream, but don't like it. Would you never eat all ice cream because of that? It is their job and duty to help you. That means it is their failure, not yours. Their reasons could be many good ones, but still their failure. If you were in a car crash, and the ER Doctor just told you to walk it off, that would seem incompetent too. I know you are very scared, yet numb too. It is a chemical imbalance. Just has gotten to the degree where you need medication. No shame in that. Know that The Lord gives knowledge to Pharmacists to help believers and nonbelievers alike, because that is Love. He loves you and is with you every step of the way. I have slight anemia and my Doctor didn't schedule a follow-up. I have no idea how I got it or what is really wrong. Sadly some Doctors are like that. Still others will make sure that they know to treat you properly. It is finding your favorite flavor of ice cream so to better savor it. You are in my prayers. Just as with love is something you can't see but feel, your help is out there
even if you can't see it yet. No answers or help leads to Anxiety, and that leads to your brain getting overwhelmed and shutting down. That is like your brain being dead. That then leads to Depression and blaming yourself. This isn't your fault. It is just the beginning of your amazing testimony. I pray this was of any help. Thank you and God Bless with love.

RJW Thank you. Thank you all for your words. I'm going to try to find a different psych doctor and see if that will make any difference. This may sound very negative but it is real and I just need to let it come through...I'm tired. I'm tired of trying for people to understand. Then there is God. Who is the ONLY ONE who understands and knows what is happening. However I don't feel like I even have a relationship with him...so then I turn to people again. I have seen SO MANY therapists. Some better than others. I have seen several doctors, one who I felt understood by, but he is no longer my doctor due to this government program that I am in. Not being able to relate or feel connected to others is the worst feeling in the world. I don't know if there is greater suffering. I come on DS and do not relate to anyone's posts. I can't relate to LIFE. Sometimes I look back from my past, and I notice all these things about me that make wonder now if I have always been "different". Like not having many friends in high school, never having strong opinions about things...I don't know. There really are no words to express myself. I feel like a stream of random consciousness ALL THE TIME. Just want to feel real.