I know about what Eleanor Roosovelt said about "People only make you upset if you let them" or some such or the quote about sticks and stones, but I really feel that words are very powerful.

If you can regain your personal power, then you can begin to not have them have power over you.

For me, I have a very fragile ego and am very very insecure. (Without meaning to I look very egotistical and arrogant and flamboyant but of course, there is the scared little girl underneath that).

I have been categorized, catalouged and pretty much told I was pathological all of my life, so words really hurt when people say them.

For others, I'd say that this would be about the same only for slightly different reasons---I'd say for most of us around here, we've been told over and over that something is wrong with us and we begin to believe it and we try so hard to belong and we get all tied up in the opinions of others.

When survival becomes iimportant and your physical health begins to deteriorate, some of that caring about what others think will go away.

Of course to take care of ourselves, we shoudl have some awareness as to grooming and basic manners.

These are my two cents, of course, presented as the great American novel.

Regards,

C.

thank you for your answers and input :-)

it is well known that if you meditate or is it medicate?

anywhooo, ppl that meditate usually cannot be hypnotized. yet it is known that hypnotism is nothing more than auto suggestion. Auto suggestion is you telling yourself though hearing it from some one else. this is why words hurt though they carry nothing that can.

auto suggestion= u are usless x many,many times is akin to you hearing yourself say the same thing being said.

I know what is written above seems stupid but it is sadly true.

I meant what is written in my post only...

this makes a lot of sense. thanks for sharing.

Words have power. The power they have depends on who they are coming from and what that person means to you,

Most peoples words have no power over me, and I know my words mean little to most people. But there are people who matter, and their words are very powerful. So it just depends.

:-)...yeah it definitely matters what role the person has in our life

I think words hurt people that already think hurtful things about themselves. They don't even have to be hurtful words. With that said, if you have a somewhat strong foundation/idea of who you are and what you believe, what other people THINK is their own business. Their THOUGHTS are only a reflection of what they think of themselves.

Another thing that is hard to remember and wrap the head around. But, it's true. Perception.

I think it depends on whom it is coming from. A random person, a friend, a parent or a spouse. Each one of those can have an effect from nothing to significant.

I know what you mean cypress but I guess Im wondering just how much acceptance affects a lot of people because I find it to be a key component in a lot of peoples unhappiness. I hear what you are saying Der.....it does matter the relation of the person because they to me have more opportunity to push the right buttons given they know you more so than anyone else :-)

How much power another's words have on a person is entirely up to that person. If the words are positive, soak them in, but if not, don't let them occupy your mind.
That said, I am very much the opposite. Kind words are often the first I slough off, while negative, mean spirited words are the ones that I replay time and again in my head. Not sure why that is, but I am working on it.
Why does it matter what others think? Really, it doesn't. Or at least it shouldn't. Only you know what is in your heart..what kind of intentions your words carry. What another does with those words is up to them. I wish I could care less what people thought of me. I think it stems back to a childhood where I had to fight to be liked and accepted, even by family. I've gotten better, but really, to me, it does still matter to an extent.
My advice would be to not let anyone have the power to hurt or upset you with their words. Now, I'll try to take my own advice.

I dont have a link but I did read once upon a time the negative has more impact than the positive. Its not just you. it is a fact. Ill try to find it somewhere :-)

ifat-glassman.blogspot.com is where I found info on the positive-vs-negative

When my own mother says/does something unmotherly, as an adult that went through years of therapy learning that other people's behavior are not my fault, I am able to see those unmotherly comments as her choice, her character flaw. It becomes something I choose not to entertain because it is not how I see myself.

Another example...if I call someone a total piece of crap, that person might be entirely positive he/she is not a piece of crap. In which case, that person would see my comment as nothing more than an uneducated guess simply because they ARE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that the statement is false regardless of anything they might have done. If the recipient believes that the action can possibly make them a piece of crap, if the recipient believes that they are responsible for my behavior, then the recipient will believe they need to disprove my statement.

I know that abuse happens when someone says "You made me (unloving, unsupportive, raging, violent etc.). I've heard that there are actually families out there that hold you and spend time with you with a smile even when you mess up. And the recipients of those supportive behaviors take less responsibility for other people's behavior.

Only as much power as the other human being allows those words to have.

And the only way to de-power others' words is to counter those words with words of your own! I like to be a smart-ass and have a quirky comeback for whatever somebody says to me. It may be a self-effacing comeback, which completely disarms them (how can they reply to THAT? If I'm AGREEING with them and further putting myself down, in a funny way?), or it may be a barb in their direction that pisses them off!