Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Today at work, I started thinking about jumping off the roof, and couldn't help but giggle.. what an odd response, don't you think?
All I want right now is the cold embrace of death.. the freedom of my potential snuffed out in an instant instead of it being wasted on a day to day basis..
My homeless and practically alcoholic mother is living with me.. atleast she's a clean freak.. kind of interesting combination, I know but she's never made logical sense..
My work shoes have holes in them, not a good thing in a corporate environment, I'll probably have to dig deeper into my credit card to fix or replace them..
I drunkenly cheated on my GF, my light, and only safety rope, the only person on this planet I care about and that truely cares about me.. even if its just because of the sex.. sigh..
what the hell is wrong with me?
All I want right now is the cold embrace of death.. the freedom of my potential snuffed out in an instant instead of it being wasted on a day to day basis..
My homeless and practically alcoholic mother is living with me.. atleast she's a clean freak.. kind of interesting combination, I know but she's never made logical sense..
My work shoes have holes in them, not a good thing in a corporate environment, I'll probably have to dig deeper into my credit card to fix or replace them..
I drunkenly cheated on my GF, my light, and only safety rope, the only person on this planet I care about and that truely cares about me.. even if its just because of the sex.. sigh..
what the hell is wrong with me?
How do you feel about your mother living with you?
Also, your feelings about your girlfriend are not quite clear here. Is she your light, and safety rope? Or are you both just in it for the sex?
I don't think that there is anything wrong with you. The way you are thinking sounds familiar to me, the kind I get when I'm deep in a depression that's lasted too long and I can't think clearly, or completely through something anymore. I was there not long ago. Who can you turn to for help? A therapist? I doctor?
Please keep us updated; I want to hear more from you. ((hugs))
-Sadie
Check my latest journal entry please, maybe you could shed some more light there..
My GF is my light and safety rope, and she loves me, but sometimes I feel she confuses love with the feeling one gets after orgasms, but shes been with me for a long time, through a lot.. So I don't think so.. but it feels like that sometimes.. like when I don't feel up to it she kind of gets cold and distant.. I dunno.. I'm not a woman so I don't know what really goes through her mind..
Concerning my mother.. honestly I'm in two minds, I'd rather have the average life where I can fall back onto the stability of parents so that I can build up more of a life for myself.. I mean I've been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for over a year.. its ridiculous..
On the other hand though I'm glad that shes here.. she keeps me somewhat in check.. makes sure I eat and all that.. and we just have to work with what life throws at us..
You've forced me onto my soap box for 1 minute. I'm not angry, I actually chuckled a bit, but I have to say this: you don't know what your gf is thinking because you are not her! Not because you are not a woman! There is no "female perspective" or way of thinking, we're all individuals. Also, people are especially individual when it comes to sex, even men.
Moving on, I will look at your journal tonight. And you're right, we've just got to work with what life has given us; and we didn't all get equal packages. Hopefully your Mom and gf add to your life.
Have you talked to your gf about this? I think it's something you should talk about, just so you're both on the same page. You could say something like "I love you, amd I know you love me, but lately its felt like you get a little distant and cold when I don't want to have sex. How have you been feeling recently?" If it were me, then I would just let her know that you love her, but are going through some stuff right now and ask her to bear with you. You don't have to say all that, but that's my advice. It comes from being with my boyfriend for 8 years and the ups and downs every relationship has, plus my emotional sh!t.
Something you didn't address: do you have a therapist or a doc? Do you take any meds for your depression?
I think last time when you offered (helpful) advice, you also mentioned medication and a therapist or a doc, but back then I was VERY anti it all..
its only after I realized I've had this depression for over 8 years that medication might actually be an option for normality, although would rather do my best to stay away from it still.. but a therapist is what I'm really hoping for.. sadly I don't have the funds for such a luxury..
My GF is moving in today.. which means I'll have absolutely no time for myself to deal with my depression, I've found a site that offers support groups, but its difficult.. I took the step though and we will see if I there is a group in my area.. fingers crossed..