Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

The "Better"

Americanhoney08
Americanhoney08

So... this is new to me... but I really need a way to work through my current struggle and traditional therapy is not something I'm comfortable with. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, I've tried a dozen medications and seen my fair share of doctors..it's been a lifelong battle which I have always somewhat managed to live with, as hard as it gets at times, I've always seen it through to the "better" side without giving up.. but in the past year my will and ability to look towards the "better" became harder and harder to see.. let alone hold on to. I started feeling trapped in my relationship of almost 2yrs and my job of over 3yrs  ... the toxicity of that relationship and the stress of my job became too much for me to handle and I failed to find ways to cope... I couldnt see "the better" I fell into thinking there was no way out other than to stop feeling... I just didnt want to feel anything anymore, I felt like I was feeling so so much all at once and I couldnt see a way past it... other than to stop feeling. I finally broke and attempted to stop the feeling..convinced myself that taking a full bottle of my prescription wasnt me attempting to "commit suicide " but simply me riding myself of the feeling. Now I'm struggling with the reasons and everything that led up to it... even though someone "saved me" I still look back on it and know what I felt and why and wonder how I let things get so bad.... trying to ignore it and move on like none of it happened or like it wasnt as bad as it sounds, isn't helping me.... I need to talk about it and face it... or it will stand to ruin anything good I find in the future.. 

Greenteam
Greenteam
Good morning and welcome. Hurting yourself isn't so easy and it usually doesn't get you the results you were hoping for. I understand you when you say the depression seems to be working you instead of the other way around. Not to sound insensitive, but can you still get a hold of the direction you want things to go? How bad is bad? Therapy and doctors are only part of the solution. A BIG part of feeling better and actually understanding it. Well it is up to ourselves. Your right about the effects of ignoring a problem. It festers inside of you and can drive you mad. When your relaxed, comfortable, and focused. Write down or review what is really troubling you and what you can logically do about. Maybe you've been offered this type of advice before, but as Eric Clapton said "Take a look at yourself". No harm in starting over. Sometimes it gives us a new perspective.
Ghostwolf04
Ghostwolf04
I once took too much pain meds because I couldn't sleep and my mom wouldn't quit riding me about why I did it. I wasn't trying to kill myself I was just desperate not to feel or think anything so I could sleep. Sometimes we just get so weak and tired we don't think clearly. I understand. Some reflection and understanding of how you as a person deal with things may help. I recently took a quiz on this site called 16personalities.com. I usually think that stuff is silly but it did help me feel more justified and comfortable in my own skin. It gave me a better idea of thought patterns I fall into and how I deal with things. Maybe try it and see what you think? It's free.
AnnieToman
AnnieToman
oh god babe dont feel that way please, your far to young to think about dying. you need to find yourself again . some how with all the meds and therapy you became lost and no longer in touch with you. you are sad but lost sight of what truly makes you happy, happiness cant be found anywhere its not a place, or thing, it starts inside you just the same as sadness does, you just need reasons for it to grow like hope does. so happiness is always there, you just need to feed it. its silly in a way. i am a chronic depression person, saw many more therapists then you and taken much more meds, nothing worked really nothing, then i got tired of it and realized that the cure has to come from me and only me, so i simply told myself i didnt want to be depressed so i wont feel that way any more it was up to me not to
not therapists or meds just me it was my responsibility to be happy. it actually worked i started to beleive myself and it worked after40 years of depression all it needed was myself and believing in me. i swear this is true, sure i get depressed now and then but nothing like before.
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
Of course .. everything comes from between our ears. SEVERE alcoholics have quit cold turkey .. by making a decision. Defeating depression by CHOICE works for some. From a MEDICAL perspective, that is impossible ... it is officially stated you cannot 'cure' yourself from clinical depression ... true ... or not.

There is such a thing as medication resistant Depression. The good news is it is highly treatable. Please discuss this with your mental health pro. Medication is not the ONLY way.
AnnieToman
AnnieToman
depression is one of those things that originally had a cause, but after time it can become a brain chemistry thing, thats why the use of meds can be useful . but since they are ineffective and and her thoughts seem so dire a attitude adjustment would not hurt. but if she truly needs meds a anti-psychotic and maybe an anti- depressant combo would do the trick. in all my experiences with meds when there is a drug resistant depression the combo works better by addressing the anxiety and thought pattern correction abilities of a anti-psychotic and if need to balance the brain chem a anti-depressant also.
growthhurts
growthhurts
You are on the right track and we are so glad you are still here to talk about it! Trying to go back and feel what you were feeling and trying to figure out how you got to that point can be so painful. By working on moving forward, you do have a happy future to look forward to! Are you still in that relationship and working at the same job? If so, can you share ways you are coping that work for you? Coping mechanisms that have worked for me are taking a walk, napping, or cuddling or playing/working with animals. They just make me smile so it was difficult to be depressed around them.
Americanhoney08
Americanhoney08
Thank you all for your concern and advice..... I'm sorry I haven't responded, it was a little overwhelming, I didnt expect to receive a response so quickly.... thank you all for being so welcoming.. no I am no longer at that job, I actually start my first day at a new job Monday..... and as for that relationship, its over... we were together 18 months. We have been apart for a few months now.
I've been trying my best to stay busy and focus on things that make me smile.... because it's when I'm alone or when its quiet that things tend to hit me all over again... the failure of the 2 things in my life that I hung so much of myself and my future on is a big issue right now and my nerves and anxiety are so bad regarding starting this new job... I'm terrified that I wont ne good enough and that I'll mess up...
Greenteam
Greenteam
Stay focused. Learn the job. Don't defeat yourself. It's a job. Do it well. Become successful in your work. Prove that you are valuable. Keep us posted.
growthhurts
growthhurts
@Americanhoney08 you are doing awesome. Keep it up! You can do this job. We all mess up because we are human but we fix it and keep going. You're doing great, you'll get there!