I feel your pain, and can relate to it. I have so often felt that some latest catastrophe was something I could never get over, yet somehow I always do. You're right, self-medicating by drinking or getting high doesn't work after awhile. Please give life another chance. I do talk therapy and am on meds from a dr. because my brain chemistry is off and the dr. knows how to fix it. If I can learn to enjoy life, I'm sure you can, too. I'll pray for you.

Please call https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org to talk to someone or message anyone here. Please reconsider your choice as it's one you can't take back. Things will get better, you may not see it now, in the moment, but they will. Take a deep breath, listen to some ocean sounds or anything relaxing. I will pray that God helps you and intervenes.

Please respond to the group to let everyone know how you're doing.

If you continue to feel this way, please call a suicide of crisis hotline. Please don't do anything to harm yourself. I know how overwhelming things in life can be. Have you contacted a doctor? If not, you should consider seeing a doctor for a diagnoses and they may recommend medication and/or talk therapy. Continue to talk with people on this site. They are here for you.

Loner, you sound like drunk loner rather than sober loner. Do you want to talk about what has happened? This post is a bit of a hit and run and it's not fair on your friends.

Tell us all what you've done that's so terrible you must become a drifter. i bet I've done worse. Bet you $5. All of us do dreadful things now and again. We don't all have to atone by leaving home.