First of all congratulations on graduating!

Telling friends can be hard. It will change how they interact with you, that is for sure. They might think that you are asking them for something, so be upfront about why you are telling them.

Also note that high school graduation marks the start of huge changes in your social circles. School is a huge thing that you all have in common, graduation in and of itself will trigger many changes. It may be hard to tell which changes in friendships are due to graduation and which changes are due to telling them about your depression.

You might want to start with your closest friend first and gauge how they handle the news. Or you might want to start with a casual friend; if the news kills the friendship then you have not lost too much.

But your friends will start talking, so once you tell one person word will get out.

Sorry I could not be more helpful. (I have mostly told good friends so that they have a lot of good history, and the revelation does not upset the cart too much.)

Hi, Ms. Tamara. I am going to give you my opinion ...

One's mental health (among other things) is a very personal thing. Mental illness (i.e. depression, self harm) is a condition (are conditions) which can actually only be addressed by the 'patient' and the medical profession. In my experience, no one but I and my doctor(s) can actually do anything about my depression etc.

For me to 'splash' my mental problems on others simply is not constructive ... and in fact, can be DEstructive. There is simply no real point in it. Friends/family have no clue as to what they should do about your depression etc. Of course they don't want you to suffer, but at best. they can only say "Gosh, I am sorry to hear you have these problems".

I think you are MUCH better off concentrating on your own recovery, and working with your medical team than to announce to your friends something they can do absolutely nothing about.

I would love for you to tell them "Ya know, there was a time when ..... and I have since recovered from it." Such a better thing to say .... no?

Major depression IS treatable ... I am proof. There just are some things that other people simply don't NEED to know.

If there is a 'history' that NEEDS explaining, then MAYBE there is a reason to reveal .... otherwise, .. keep it between you and your treatment team.

This is my advice .. based on many years of dealing with depression.

Please convince yourself that self harm is nothing BUT destructive ... and that life is sometimes difficult .. but there is always a resolution ... a good resolution ... and learn how to change what you can and accept what you cannot. Know that life is a wondrous and marvelous thing .. with ups and downs. With your intelligence, patience, and good faith ... bad times will resolve and good times are to be had.

Your friends/family cannot do anything about your depression ... but YOU certainly can.

Good luck to you .. and welcome to DS and this group. We members of this group are ALSO suitable to talk with ... that is what we are here for.

@ThePepperMan

Thank you for both the congratulation & your reply to my post! It was actually quite helpful. :)

I didnt think about the "It may be hard to tell which changes in friendships are due to graduation and which changes are due to telling them about your depression" - part before.

Im still quite unsure about telling anyone, maybe because I got some negative backlash in the past before (thanks mom).

But it probably is a good idea to start with a closer friend, even though Im not so close to any of them anymore due to me staying in my room all day long and rejecting anything that could be considered "having a social life".

I will wait for other responses and invest some more time in the thinking process until I make a decision.

@WanderingVet

Thanks a lot for your reply, it definately gave me a different perspective on this topic.

I would say the reason why I would like to tell my friends about it is because I have been a pretty bad friend in the past year. I neglected them in a way that I cancelled all birthdays, movie nights and other meetings, and my bad mood caused situations that Im deeply ashamed of.
I find shitty excuses for staying away from them and I dont want them to think its all their fault and that I dont like them anymore, because it certainly isnt like that.

Its true - a mental illness is a really personal thing.
I don NOT expect my friends to try to make me feel better, or cheer me up. Never ever. Its something that I have to deal with.

I see my therapist quite irregular and Im not in recovery. Its an incredibley frustrating situation and I wish that my friends would know that me being so negative? or moody? has absolutely NOTHING to do with them - just the opposite. They always manage to put a smile on my face, which Im incredibley grateful for.

They are the reason why I have moments of happiness and joy in my life, and letting them know what they did for me is one of my biggest dreams.

I wont see them anymore when I move away and study. Of course, we can still stay in touch (thank god for social networks) and I hope they will always be a (more or less big) part of my life.

I would just really love to be able to look into my friends eyes and tell them how thankful I am for them standing by my side even though I was/am a huge idiot, and that I love them though I did a piss-poor job of showing that.

I cant do much about my depression at the moment, but I can do something for the few friendships I have. Thats my main motivation behind the whole "telling my friend or not" topic.

I'm also of the opinion that it is not wise to tell your friends about your depression. It can have real destructive consequences. It WILL spread to people whom you'd rather keep in the dark.

If you want to tell your friends how thankful you are to them, you can do it in a more subtle way. Don't go, "Dude, I'm sorry I kicked you in the shins the other day. I was in serious depression, so the problem is not you, nor your shins. It's really me"

Instead, you say something like, "On past occasions, I might have unintentionally and inadvertently delivered hurt to areas of your body that should not be hurt. I am thankful for your understanding and, in fact, love you and deeply treasure our great and lasting friendship." Something like that.

Do it on a special day. Like Feb 14 VDay. Or Feb 19 Chinese New Year, or even April 1st if you're feeling adventurous. Point is, do it on a special occasion, and you can get away with saying all sorts of strange things. Instead of giving you weird looks, they're going to get all teary-eyed and sniffy-nosed.

It's fine to tell your therapist about your problems, though. You pay him large sums of money, so it's okay for him to suffer.

@Bursthead

Thanks a lot for your reply.

The thing is, I never really talk to my therapist about my problems and I dont consider therapy being helpful when it comes to dealing with my issues and feeling better, mentally wise. But thats another story.

Im really unsure at the moment.

"I would just really love to be able to look into my friends eyes and tell them how thankful I am for them standing by my side even though I was/am a huge idiot, and that I love them though I did a piss-poor job of showing that."


Hmmm. Though I advised against it, .. this sounds reasonable to me:

"I am very thankful for your standing by my side even though I am seeking effective treatment for a diagnosis of major depression. I love you and want you to know I am working VERY hard to manage this situation. Our friendship is immeasurably important to me, and I am so grateful to you."

In this, you have given explanation and have shown you do not expect anything they cannot give.

I definitely agree with Wandering and Pepper. I learned a long time agothat if the person ccan't actually help you...they don't need to know. I have recalled mentioning it in the past and it often seemed to backfire, the above's opinions are rock solid!

@WanderingVet & sweatingbullets

Thank you for your replies. I thought about it and I will mostly likely keep it to myself, at least as long as Im still in school.