I talked to her. I told her about the things going through my head. I told her about my thoughts of suicide over break. She took away my knife. Probably a good thing. I haven't talked about it with her for about a week now. But when she notices I've gone quiet and moody, she just hugs me. I keep wondering if I should show her this. My posts here and all of you amazing people who help me keep my head held high. I don't know if I'm readying for her to see all of my pain yet. I don't know if I'm ready to let go just yet. But shes been so amazing since I told her. She slept with me for a week. Nothing serious. Shes saving herself for marriage and I just accept that. I keep wishing I could do the same thing, but I can do the next best thing. I won't fool around. But, anyway, she slept with me. Just slept. I enjoy being able to fall asleep with my arm draped over her and our hands entwined. She's amazing. I don't think she knows just how much she keeps me sane. I haven't even talked to my sister about these things. And she's my best friend. They've talked about going out for drinks. But I have told them I don't plan to join them. The girls were taken aback with my sudden distaste in alcohol. They don't know why I've changed, but they respect my choice and haven't brought alcohol into the house. I fall into my funk's more often than not anymore. Some days, I want to grab a coat and my shoes and just walk for hours. But I don't. Because they'll worry. I've got a lot running through my head lately, I guess.