Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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momenttaker 09/12/2018

I might be able to ignore or rewrite the out of place, random suicidal thoughts, but lately I'm having to reign my tongue before, "I plan/want to commit..." pops out like a freudian slip. Maybe I have subconsciously thinking about it, despite my better moods?

I want to commit suicide...If I don't reign my tongue or my thoughts, It just pops out like that, even though I don't want to. And if I do allow myself to think about it, like I did tonight, I start bawling my eyes out.

I want to commit suicide, because I'm too committed to my family to have any hope of regaining the life I dream about.

I want to commit suicide, because I was told at work that I would be taught some of what this one guy does, and he ended up teaching someone else, who already has a lot on their plate. I want to commit suicide, because my boss's compliments are opposite his actions. I want to commit suicide, because I'm being asked to train someone else on the only wel-defined role at my work - and they haven't included me in anything else going on in the department I'm now in. I feel like they feel that I'm not going to work out, but don't want to scare me off too soon to give any negative feedback. And I've sought it.

I want to commit suicide because the girl who took my old position, who is truthfully a bit slower intellectually than I am, Is feeling threatened by my presence and actively trying to outdo me in being me. I have to correct her when I see the mistakes, which doesn't help. At least one thing I learned from her is to be more assertive - and not afraid to communicate with my boss.

Thanks for listening. Writing it out here at least gets it out into the open.

momenttaker 09/12/2018

I guess, in a way, "I want to commit" translates to "I am depressed and feeling hopeless"

Carolin57 09/12/2018

Hopelessness is a terrible feeling. If you want to talk I will be at the computer most of today.

ZMama 09/12/2018

My son's father committed suicide. You may not realize it now but there are ones lives who will never be the same without you. We live in a very stressful world. Not being able to handle life and wanting to commit suicide are two different things. If you need to cry instead of thinking about suicide then cry! Its your body's way of healing a would. Like letting a wound bleed. Suicide is not a resolution that will benefit anyone. Try to get on some meds and talk to someone. There are more people that care then you realize. I care and I don't even know you. I've tried suicide in my younger years and nothing good came of it. I have buried my mom, dad, brother, grandmother, uncle, best friend and sons father. I also known the pain of not wanting to live. You can and will get through this and there will always be more to test you. Remember that diamonds are made from intense pressure. Do you want to be a diamond or a piece of coal? Message me if you want to

momenttaker 09/12/2018

Thanks Carolin, Zmama.

Just to reassure you, I don't actually want to commit suicide those are invasive thoughts, probably from my subconscious, that have started to make it out of my mouth. I took to thinking about it at 2 am - and kinda crashed. I came here to let it out, and let people know what's happening. It also gave me the opportunity to acknowledge how I feel and reprocess it differently.

I'm still feeling low but a bit better already.

Carolin57 09/12/2018

That is a bit of a relief, I don't know you but was kinda worried. You seem to be a clever soul I am guessing by your way of putting things on the page. I can understand you thinking all sort if ills at two in the morning so it's good you got some sleep. This is a good place to air our thoughts and feelings and then reading them back or having someone who's in a similar place acknowledge our thoughts and feelings is bound to help us feel less alone with our problems.
Glad you are feeling a little bit better.

caring2018 09/12/2018

I am sorry you are struggling with those thoughts. Our mind is a powerful and we need to help keep our thoughts under control. It is good you are feeling better and not really suicidal. However, if you feel like you are please seek help immediately. Do you see a counselor? Are you on medication for your depression? Both together help with getting better. I am glad you are writing down your feelings. It always helps to get our thoughts out on paper. I usually journal my thoughts and then pray over them. My journaling eventually turned into prayers. I would recommend instead of writing about suicide try to see if you can turn things more positively. I have learned to change my words to I am grateful for... It may be difficult at first to find what you are grateful for, but if you do it on a more regular basis it will help with depression. Like I am grateful for a cup of tea, or hearing a bird chirping, or the breeze in the air. You know the phrase, stop and smell the roses. Well, I have actually learned it is helpful to stop and smell flowers, and be grateful for the little things. I will be praying for you, It is important for you to focus on things you enjoy. That always helps me keep my mind focused on the good thoughts instead of the dark ones. It takes work, but with the right help, it is possible. I will be praying for you and please keep us posted on how you are doing. We all here understand your struggles and are here to listen and support you. Hugs!

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