Here is my story i seem to have a weird sickness that people dont want to call it a sickness, by this i mean i help out people and make them happy more than i can make myself happy. This dosent seem so bad at first but i cant ever recall a time in my life that i have been happy and i have a lot of friends and a decent family but i feel like i will hurt them and make them feel distanced from me, this i dont want. i am 20 years old and keep thinking that i wasted my life so far and i have tried to kill myself a couple of times already but nothing seemed to work i am waiting till i get to 21 so i can get a gun cause i know/hope that will work cause i have a job that everyone likes me but they know im suicidal and i see that as a problem cause they now think im crazy, i dont blame them i just got tired of life realy early this is not a fake post i just dont know what else to do cause even my friends and family are thinking i wont do it and I have never been a person that says something and dosent do it. This is the only answer i can come up with cause i hate walking down the street and people look at me like im some sort of freak and i choose not to go anywhere anymore and the thoughts just seem to pile up i will not take pills i tried once and they dint work, talking to a profesional also dosent help at all cause i dont like people that pity me.
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