Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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beatingtheblues2 12/19/2016

We talk about it openly here. But it can't be spoken about with "regular" people because it would cause a panic, at worst, or just give people a reason to talk about you behind your back, at best. I'm feeling crappy right now, and when I feel crappy, my thoughts turn to suicide. It's been that way ever since I was an adolescent. I have no good explanation for it. I'm going to go into work tomorrow, and people will ask, "How was your weekend?" "How are you?" What I wouldn't give to be able to say, "I had a crappy weekend. I kept thinking about suicide. I'm exhausted and may be coming down with something, so I'll probably feel better once I get some rest." Just that casually and matter-of-factly. But I can't do that. I'll have to say, "It was OK. Could have been better. I wasn't feeling great. Just a few more days until those extra days off!" And that stinks. I feel like putting on that "mask" just adds to my isolation, which adds to my depression, which can then lead back to the suicidal thoughts. It's a viscious cycle. I really wish I was one of those "regular" people who doesn't deal with this.

Thanks for letting me vent. I actually feel a little better already.

djchurn 12/19/2016

You have found a place where you can express your real feelings and not just the cursory conversations with co-workers. I suspect most here have had thoughts of suicide, I have. Talking here is not as good as being with flesh and blood but, it can and does make a difference in your (my) mental state. Hang in there and remember to come back here to read stories, respond and tell your own.

iamheretoo 12/19/2016

Yes I think about it too and more so lately. I don't tell anybody how I really feel either. im afraid to even tell my counselor

BeatrizOlivier 12/19/2016

If only I could explain to you how important it would be for you to start a deep self discovery work. If only I could tell you about life before and after this life, It would light up your world. Why don't you look up for a center where you live on this website I found? http://www.sgny.org/other-spiritist-institutions/usa/
I'm speaking from Brazil. People do amazing work at these places and you would study life's real purposes.
The spiritism changed my life and I found the answers that were missing. I only I could make you see.
Anyway, I just found out my favorite book is available in English, on this website http://www.sgny.org/catalog/divaldo-franco/the-joanna-de-angelis-collection/self-discovery-an-inner-search/
If you want to contact me, feel free to do so, I'd be glad to help!

Elle2618 12/19/2016

I wish suicidal ideation wasn't such a taboo topic. There's a difference by suicidal ideation and plans. They are both cause for concern, but one vastly more so. I understand how you feel. I'm entirely too open at work, or in general. I've always had the mentality of I don't care whether people talk...they always will. The good people will listen and help you. It's always better to be honest when those thoughts occur. It's hard, but at the very least finding a therapist to speak with helps. Hang in there

annecinron 12/19/2016

I have suicidal thoughts all the time as well, and I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to or being able to say or tell people the truth about what you are really thinking at times. It is truly sad that there is such a stigma related to mental illness. People will find something to be judgemental about no matter what, hopefully, we are all fortunate enough to weed out and find the people that are willing to take a walk in our shoes before placing judgment.

bellabuck 12/20/2016

First of all, I don’t think there are “regular” people. Everybody is dealing with something, at least I think so. And some people are better at hiding what they’re going through than others. So you’re probably more normal than you think. That said, it's true that not everyone knows how to respond when we share what we're going through. Is there anyone you can confide in? Have you tried talking to your primary care doctor? A counselor? A friend? Family member? I know that when I was honest with a couple of close friends about my depression, they were more than willing to do anything they could for me. I pray that you find that one person who can be there for you in the darkest times.

beatingtheblues2 12/20/2016

Thanks for all your responses. I've been able to talk to close friends about it now and again over the years, but often I've been told that I should go to church when I have those thoughts. Funny, because in church the overall theme is that life on earth is hard, and that the next life promises to be paradise. So, really, THAT'S going to help me? Those people all mean well, of course. And I have no problems with going to church, but I like to go when I'm feeling good, not bad!

I was using the term "regular" semi-facetiously. I didn't want to use the word "normal" because I've long since decided that, as bellabuck says, I'm probably as normal as the next person, but I still see a type of division between myself (and my thoughts) and other people -- I guess that's a hallmark of depression, though. It's hard to let go of.

I was able to talk with a therapist about it on and off years ago. I'm not feeling a great need to do so now, but if I ever do, I think I have someone in mind that I might be able to broach the subject with, so that's good.

Thanks again for your responses. The main reason I came to this site in the first place, years ago, is because it always helps to know that others are dealing with similar issues!

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