Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Alliegator 04/17/2008

I have been having compulsive thoughts about suicide. Everyday I get a little bit closer to just going through with it. Now before you all tell me that "I just need to keep fighting" I know that. I fighting every f-ing day of my life. Sometimes its easy and sometimes it is the biggest struggle. I just want these thoughts to get out of my head and suicide seems to be the only answer. I wish I could just stop thinking or distract myself but nothing works. My brain is too good at multitasking. Distractions just mean I'm doing something pointless and thinking about suicide at the same time. The meds don't make the thoughts go away either. They just make it so I can function and think about suicide at the same time. I have thought about suicide almost everyday for six years. Is it ever going to go away?

deleted_user 04/17/2008

Have you discussed all of this in very deep detail with your psychologist?

Sara017 04/17/2008

I have more suicidal thoughts than I let on to anyone, but i just try to ignore them, although most of the time it doesnt work*Hugz*

deleted_user 04/17/2008

I don't know if those thoughts will ever go away for you, but I surely hope you do NOT go through with it. ((((((big hugs)))))))

deleted_user 04/17/2008

wow I am sorry. I am not typically a depressed person but going through stuff now and I think about it often and fight not too mainly for my kids and I can't imagine your pain that long. I suggest discussing it with a professional. I am no pro on the topic but thats what my plan is if I can ever get a sitter for the kids! UGH!

Alliegator 04/17/2008

Yeah I have talked to my psychologist about all of this a lot. I am able to successfully fight the urges and everything but the thoughts are enough to drive me crazy. I can't handle them anymore.

deleted_user 04/17/2008

I have no idea :( I have the same thoughts too - I think about it every day ( and have since i was little) and its the last thing i think about when i go to bed at night. I just cant get it out of my mind.

I know tho deep down that Im not going to do anything about it..at least not right now. Im not optimistic that the feeling will ever go away for me though so, like you i just keep trying to find things that make me happy to distract myself.

All i can say is that I hope you can find a way to sort it and that there are at least people here that understand what it feels like . *hug*

deleted_user 04/17/2008

aww alliegator, plz never take your life...plz
my daughters name is allie, you are beautiful just like her. i see you are smiling in your picture, think bout why you were smiling and feel that. live for that moment and :)
huggies

deleted_user 04/17/2008

for you I dont know if they will go, sometimes they are less strong, but can seriously relate to where you are,

deleted_user 04/17/2008

Have you tried journaling? It helps me. Hugs.

deleted_user 04/17/2008

When I was very suicidal I took pain killers to numb the feelings and constant nagging. It isn't the best option but it is what got me through to the next day and gave me a little bit of peace. Perhaps see if your doctor can give you something a bit better and not as detrimental or see a naturopath that can give you something healthy that will help. There are other options and right now you need to believe that this is a better alternative. What helped me was getting a pet because I was responsible for another life and couldn't so easily give up on my own. At the time I got a cat as they are self sufficient but one that was affectionate enough to give me what I needed. I still have thoughts but there are no way as strong as what they were.

Alliegator 04/17/2008

I have tried journaling. It helps short term. Its good to get some of my thoughts out on paper first. As for pain killers....I don't really want to be any more drugged up than I already am.

deleted_user 04/17/2008

Have you ever tried buspar? When I was having rapid negative thought cycles this drug stopped them in there tracks after 2 weeks. It cant work for everyone but what if it worked for you?

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