Found myself back on the crutches again and know that it is Surgery time again; no more hiding from desicions! The last two years of rehab struggling with another failed mal-aligned total knee replacement revision has left me paralyzed inside! So many failed surgeries the last six years back to back 4 surgeries! I feel the surgeries are crippling more than my Muscoskelatal Disorder.  I wanna vomit knowing I have no choice in the matter anymore and the agony is too great, but which leg? Which one to gut like a fish again?  One thing my Doctor guaranteed I would know suffering the rest of my life; like I have endured the last 38 years with both legs since chilhood!

Everytime the struggle demands you climb each rung on that 'ladder of life'  fighting everyday with dignity, then you realize you ended up starting over! The thing is 'failure' is part of the learning curve; you will sometimes find yourself back at the bottom rung of the ladder no matter how much we try alone!

We all learn someday the (Ladder of Life) has no top or bottom! Myself; I know that I need others to help me climb out of my depression to learn to climb again!  Being disabled  I  know to ask others to help me start over 'climbing up'  once more. I hope others  reach out and hold your 'Ladder of Life' and steady your climb someday too!

I fear after ten surgical procedures my 9 lives have been used up! I have first hand experience about after care problems; which bought me an expensive 6 day 'coma' vacation! I believe Prayer helps before surgery and I will get my affairs in order, just in case too!