Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Ok, there's a lot more to this than I'm going to write right now but for the moment I'm just going to stick to the main topic:
I started having trouble sleeping again about a month or so ago. Normally for me, being unable to get a full night's sleep is a sign of depression but this time there wasn't all that much bothering me. I started taking these OTC sleeping pills but stopped after about a week and a half because it started to make me feel kind of weird. Once I stopped I started having trouble sleeping again.
A month before I started taking those pills I got really sick so I stopped smoking weed (which honestly, isn't really all that hard for me, I rarely smoke anyways). So I stayed clean for roughly two months (probably a little more) at first because I was sick and then because I had applied for a job that required a drug test.
As soon as I got the test results back (unsurprisingly I came out clean) I went and hung out with a friend who was visiting from college and we got high but it was DEFINITELY not a normal weed high for me. It was strange, uncomfortable, VERY negative. I occasionally got panicky and my heart started to race (this normally isn't unusual but the fact that I was already kind of not in a good state of mind at the time it sorta made things worse and lasted longer than it should have).
Despite the adverse reaction I still smoked again the night after but before I got high I got some bad news about a really close friend (things just kept escalating with that until I finally decided to just turn my phone off) and AGAIN I got the same kind of high except worse, I started getting really strange and disturbing thought distortions and sort of mild but kind of freakish visuals that reminded me vaguely of Salvia (I tried that a few times in the past but not recently). At some point I felt like I really needed to be alone so I left my friends and just wandered around in the dark and these horrible feelings of anger and DEEP sadness came over me and I collapsed onto the ground. Thats when the pavement started to sort of morph and converge on one point to my left and then the whole world seemed to be trying to compress.
This sort of thing kept going on and on. I kept getting stoned with friends and only once did I get a high even close to the average weed high and that was because I took some antidepressant before I got high (twice my normal dose). Its not like it got worse or better or anything (unless I was on the antidepressant), it was pretty consistent except for the very LAST time I smoked (which I did even though I said I wouldn't)
At first I thought I was doing it because I was sort of chasing a euphoric happy high like weed usually is. Then one night it seemed like I was getting really deep into my own head and I sort of realized that I've been doing this for really self-destructive reasons. I've been hoping that eventually it would get so bad that I'd just end up trapped in my own head, unable to respond to anything (this has happened once before and I wasn't under the influence of anything at that time, it only lasted a few minutes though). I've been hoping eventually I will loose touch with reality all together.
I'd been subjecting myself to this repeatedly and finally decided to stop again, mainly because it was having the normal after-effects of fogging up my mind too much and making it hard to concentrate when sober. I wondered if this all has something to do with my sleeplessness? Like maybe there was a deeper reason I started loosing sleep that I wasn't aware of?
I'll admit, I have had worse experiences on weed than this but still, every time?!?! THAT'S never happened before... and it didn't even help me sleep. Even high I still only slept a few hours. Whats going on? The problems with my friend went on and on for a few days and I thought after it was resolved it would go back to normal but it didn't.
I started having trouble sleeping again about a month or so ago. Normally for me, being unable to get a full night's sleep is a sign of depression but this time there wasn't all that much bothering me. I started taking these OTC sleeping pills but stopped after about a week and a half because it started to make me feel kind of weird. Once I stopped I started having trouble sleeping again.
A month before I started taking those pills I got really sick so I stopped smoking weed (which honestly, isn't really all that hard for me, I rarely smoke anyways). So I stayed clean for roughly two months (probably a little more) at first because I was sick and then because I had applied for a job that required a drug test.
As soon as I got the test results back (unsurprisingly I came out clean) I went and hung out with a friend who was visiting from college and we got high but it was DEFINITELY not a normal weed high for me. It was strange, uncomfortable, VERY negative. I occasionally got panicky and my heart started to race (this normally isn't unusual but the fact that I was already kind of not in a good state of mind at the time it sorta made things worse and lasted longer than it should have).
Despite the adverse reaction I still smoked again the night after but before I got high I got some bad news about a really close friend (things just kept escalating with that until I finally decided to just turn my phone off) and AGAIN I got the same kind of high except worse, I started getting really strange and disturbing thought distortions and sort of mild but kind of freakish visuals that reminded me vaguely of Salvia (I tried that a few times in the past but not recently). At some point I felt like I really needed to be alone so I left my friends and just wandered around in the dark and these horrible feelings of anger and DEEP sadness came over me and I collapsed onto the ground. Thats when the pavement started to sort of morph and converge on one point to my left and then the whole world seemed to be trying to compress.
This sort of thing kept going on and on. I kept getting stoned with friends and only once did I get a high even close to the average weed high and that was because I took some antidepressant before I got high (twice my normal dose). Its not like it got worse or better or anything (unless I was on the antidepressant), it was pretty consistent except for the very LAST time I smoked (which I did even though I said I wouldn't)
At first I thought I was doing it because I was sort of chasing a euphoric happy high like weed usually is. Then one night it seemed like I was getting really deep into my own head and I sort of realized that I've been doing this for really self-destructive reasons. I've been hoping that eventually it would get so bad that I'd just end up trapped in my own head, unable to respond to anything (this has happened once before and I wasn't under the influence of anything at that time, it only lasted a few minutes though). I've been hoping eventually I will loose touch with reality all together.
I'd been subjecting myself to this repeatedly and finally decided to stop again, mainly because it was having the normal after-effects of fogging up my mind too much and making it hard to concentrate when sober. I wondered if this all has something to do with my sleeplessness? Like maybe there was a deeper reason I started loosing sleep that I wasn't aware of?
I'll admit, I have had worse experiences on weed than this but still, every time?!?! THAT'S never happened before... and it didn't even help me sleep. Even high I still only slept a few hours. Whats going on? The problems with my friend went on and on for a few days and I thought after it was resolved it would go back to normal but it didn't.
Maybe it's different weed, maybe it's interacting with medication....but what does that matter? It seems like the problems only occur when you smoke weed, and that it's not a problem for you to NOT smoke, so the solution would seem to be just not smoking.
What makes you want to get high?
But why would weed have this effect on me so consistently? Its rare that I smoke and its even more rare that it has adverse effects like this.
This past week has been such a jumbled mess otherwise that I'm not really sure where the problems started up again, just that the weed seemed to intensify it. Before I started the only problems I had were somewhat low self esteem (again, not really that unusual) and trouble sleeping. After like the second time, even sober I felt strange and mixed up emotionally.
This might make a little more sense, but it also sort of seemed like there was some sort of meditative value in it. I often felt like I needed to be alone and somehow being around other people while high was making things worse. I can't say for sure if this turned out to be true or not though.
I also don't take it regularly, only when I really need it badly for one reason or another.
kthxbai!
(seriously though, what does that mean?)
I just didn't want to go into too much detail about it partly because, although it has been really effective both for me and a few of my friends its kind of unheard of (You CAN get it at Vitamin world. If you open to the idea of at least trying something more natural, look for Rhodiola).