Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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teddybear973 04/18/2011

Last night, I had a dream that I had died and someone was writing my obituary and it was barely a paragraph. I have done nothing in my life but screw up. I have been having dreams about dying lately and some of them seem real. One of them was very strange as I was sitting in my recliner sleeping and dreaming that my husband stabbed me through the heart in my recliner and I was worried about the chair and how would someone ever get the stain out.
I have been almost praying to die. I just don't know how much more I can take before I completely loose it. Everyone around me needs things from me and I have so much to do that I feel like my existance is all about what other people need or want from me. I asked my husband if he was happy and he said that he was but never asked if I was. It feels like he does not care if I am happy or not. I am his possession and he has all of his needs fufilled so that is all that matters. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want peace

deleted_user 04/18/2011

Does your husband know how horrible you are feeling? I remember when I was married I wasn't very communicative about my feelings but I still expected my ex to "know" what was going on in my head. if you aren't able to talk to your husband, are you able to talk to someone else? Are you in counseling? Are you on any medication?

I am so sorry you feel like you no longer want to be here. I have been there many times...but I always find a reason to keep pushing on. I do it, b/c I want a life that is worth living again vs. just existing. It's horrible when the depression takes over...I get it and it's even harder when you feel like all you do is give and give with nothing in return or no real support. Please know that many care here on DS...we really do. Hang in there...take care. ((hugs))

WallyBear 04/18/2011

Hi teddybear, (What a cute name )

You depression is manifesting itself in your dreams. The same thing happened to me. I wanted to die so badly......Night after night, my dreams would be filled with different ways I died. The most frequent one, was where I plunged my car into the river......
I would wake up struggling to breath.

It really is okay to put yourself first sometimes. Take time to be nice to yourself.
Please don't hurt yourself.......

deleted_user 04/18/2011

It sounds like you might be heading for a breakdown. I was in your situation once myself. My husband bought and did all the things he wanted, but when it came to me and my wants and needs, we never had the money. I lived to take care of him, his needs and wants and his 4 dogs. I ended up in the hospital and my councerlor said that she saw it coming. I was suicidal also. I continue counceling and taking my meds. the counceling works for me to be more assertive with my husband. He said that the councelor was ruining our marriage. Of course it was ruining it in his eye's. He had it just he way he wanted it. You need to take care of YOU! Talk to someone who can help you before you end up hurting yourself or end up having a breakdown.
My heart and thoughts go out to you. your not alone, we are here for you on DS

ElenaNJ 04/18/2011

i understand how you feel about taking care of everyones needs. i once used to feel like i was responsible for everyone's dirt, literally.

please don't give up hope. once i went to counseling and went on anti-depressants, i started to feel better. i needed that extra help to start to take care of myself, i have 4 children.

i used to fantasize that i'd be walking off into the sunset leaving everyone behind. it really sounds like you have alot of stress in your life..the best thing to do is find ways to manage your stress..there are ways to do it. being here is one way.

i encourage you to go to the main message boards and read some posts and even post your own. there are lots of nice people there that have ups and downs too. gentle hugs to you.

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