Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi All
Haven't posted here in a while. I felt for a bit that I was recovering....like I was starting to feel better about my life and about my experiences with my ex. I even escaped to New York from California for two months just to clear my head. I went to every single museum and attraction. I even did things I would never do like eating alone at a restaurant or going to a bar alone.....
But I came home and my family has been falling apart. My twin brother is estranged from all of us. He doesn't communicate with anyone in my family. I also landed right in the middle of my parents separation/possible divorce, finding out that the people who were once my two role models had been cheating on one another and sleeping around their circle of friends for more than twenty years.
Since coming home I have landed in a deep and dark depression, and can't seem to get out of bed or find any self worth....and all I can think about is my ex.
For those of you who don't know, we were only together for two months. In the beginning of the second month he asked me to marry him (and then two weeks later left me). During the first month he told me he wanted me to move in with him, that he wanted to see me every day, he wanted to start a family with me and he wanted me to be the mother of his child. He was divorced and had a four year old boy. At the end of the first month I told him I was in love with him, I fell for him hard...and he said he loved me too. But when he broke up with me he told me I was bipolar, that I was "crazy" for telling him I loved him. He said, what kind of person tells someone they love them after a month? He denied any of the "feelings" he had for me and basically told me I was crazy. I just keep asking myself...why would he ask me to marry him? Why would he tell me I was the love of his life, if he just denied it at the end and left me broken? He was 30 and I just turned 22....why couldn't he just consider our age difference, and maybe how much saying those "serious" things, like talking about marriage, could torment me for the rest of my life?
Two months after he broke up with me, I desperately tried to see him again. He texted me out of nowhere, asking me to come over. He slept with me, and said things like, sleep over next week, I had such a good time with you tonight.
And then I NEVER heard from him again.
I think I cried for a year and a half, straight. I thought about suicide, multiple times. Abused xanax. Started drinking a lot and sleeping with a lot of people and was severely depressed. Refused to eat, lost about 20 pounds in a few months.
And here I am. I watch my family fall apart and think about the fact that I am jobless and can't escape my thoughts....I also think about how lonely I am. I don't have/trust many friends. I PUSH every guy away that I date because I am so heartbroken still....and am still waiting for a guy to replace my ex.
What do I do???
Will this pain ever go away? I feel so lost. All I do is just blame myself for losing my ex. And I feel such intense loneliness..........
Haven't posted here in a while. I felt for a bit that I was recovering....like I was starting to feel better about my life and about my experiences with my ex. I even escaped to New York from California for two months just to clear my head. I went to every single museum and attraction. I even did things I would never do like eating alone at a restaurant or going to a bar alone.....
But I came home and my family has been falling apart. My twin brother is estranged from all of us. He doesn't communicate with anyone in my family. I also landed right in the middle of my parents separation/possible divorce, finding out that the people who were once my two role models had been cheating on one another and sleeping around their circle of friends for more than twenty years.
Since coming home I have landed in a deep and dark depression, and can't seem to get out of bed or find any self worth....and all I can think about is my ex.
For those of you who don't know, we were only together for two months. In the beginning of the second month he asked me to marry him (and then two weeks later left me). During the first month he told me he wanted me to move in with him, that he wanted to see me every day, he wanted to start a family with me and he wanted me to be the mother of his child. He was divorced and had a four year old boy. At the end of the first month I told him I was in love with him, I fell for him hard...and he said he loved me too. But when he broke up with me he told me I was bipolar, that I was "crazy" for telling him I loved him. He said, what kind of person tells someone they love them after a month? He denied any of the "feelings" he had for me and basically told me I was crazy. I just keep asking myself...why would he ask me to marry him? Why would he tell me I was the love of his life, if he just denied it at the end and left me broken? He was 30 and I just turned 22....why couldn't he just consider our age difference, and maybe how much saying those "serious" things, like talking about marriage, could torment me for the rest of my life?
Two months after he broke up with me, I desperately tried to see him again. He texted me out of nowhere, asking me to come over. He slept with me, and said things like, sleep over next week, I had such a good time with you tonight.
And then I NEVER heard from him again.
I think I cried for a year and a half, straight. I thought about suicide, multiple times. Abused xanax. Started drinking a lot and sleeping with a lot of people and was severely depressed. Refused to eat, lost about 20 pounds in a few months.
And here I am. I watch my family fall apart and think about the fact that I am jobless and can't escape my thoughts....I also think about how lonely I am. I don't have/trust many friends. I PUSH every guy away that I date because I am so heartbroken still....and am still waiting for a guy to replace my ex.
What do I do???
Will this pain ever go away? I feel so lost. All I do is just blame myself for losing my ex. And I feel such intense loneliness..........
Yes, miskrattiger is right: you did not leave him, he left you.
From my experience, the best way to get over somebody is to find somebody new. Don't look for a replacement for him, look for somebody good, somebody who makes you feel good about yourself as well as good about being with him.
As for your family, do not make it your responsibility to "save" them or to "keep them together". You can listen to them, and offer suggestions to them. But they are going to have to determine their fate, you can not pick it for them.
Gentle hugs
No, he left me.
Doesn't make it any less painful.
We've not met, but I know alot about depression, both Unipolar and BiPolar. Sounds like you met this older guy and you fell hard, really hard! It's never easy when that happens, when we convince ourselves that this person we've only known a short while truly knows us and loves us just as much as we love him. Those are strong feelings, and popping up in as little as a month or so makes them stronger.
You need to remember something very, very important, okay? you did not lose your Ex, you did not run him off. He left you, your Ex left you, that was his choice. One that I'm sure hurt you so incredibly much, but one that was not your fault. A man who loves you would never blame you for mental illnesses and then leave you. You need to let yourself take that in and understand it. You did nothing wrong, not 1 damn thing. This man could not fill his obligations to you and he panicked and canceled the wedding because he knew he couldn't be the man for you that you deserve.
All this business of him calling you up to hookup here and there, you need to be strong and tell him to piss off. You don't need his negative trashy energy in your life. Don't fall for his charms and stories, he's just looking for easy sex, and you do not want to become that for him...YOU are worth way more than that. If he keeps pestering you or bothering you, I would get a restraining order on him, he made his choice, now he needs to leave you alone so you can healthily grieve the loss of your marriage, so you can get on with your new life. Block him from your cell phone.
As for what's going on in your family, its a hard situation, but girl you cannot fix everyone's problems. Your mom and dad are grownups and they need to fix their own marital problems, they don't need their children being put in the middle, that never works well.
Right now the only thing you need to worry about and take care of is you. If you have a Therapist you need to be using that tool as much a you can. You need to be taking your meds, eating 3 meals a day, exercising even if its 3 small walks a day, regular sleep patterns each night. You need to take care of you right now, so you can start working your way out of the depression and back to the real world. You can do this, you know you can.
Once you get back on your feet, then you see if your brother wants to talk about things calmly. But stay out of your parents drama, that's theirs. not yours.
If you need to talk, vent, yell pls message me.
OCP