I feel like life is spiraling totally out of control. I just don't know what to do. I feel like my whole life is in "limbo". I've been separated from my stbx since August. I was with him for 22 years. Shouldn't have stayed in it as long as I did. But, my religious upbringing made me stay as long as I did. Anyways, I feel like I got my spirit back when we separated. I felt "alive". Then the holidays came and I started spiraling. I just have a hard time trying to figure out what my "purpose in life" is. I mean I've been with him so many years that I don't know how to be "me" if that makes sense? I was always the primary caretaker for the children. Now I still am, but add to it working full time into the equation, and doing everything. I feel like I just can't juggle life. I'm so overwhelmed, lonely, tired, and alot of other things. I met this wonderful guy. We started as friends, and it developed into more. The problem is he's long distance. We connect on so many levels. It's so hard not to see him. We haven't seen each other since October. He suffers from major depression. He loves me, there's no question there. The distance kills me. It depresses me besides all that I'm juggling within my life. I don't know what my purpose is. I just knew what road to take or at least some direction. I feel like I have no control over anything. I hate feeling this way. I'm so scared.
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