My depression is getting out control. I've been struggling since I was 13 years old, pretty much consistently. Everything is in place to make me a mess right now, I'm going through a horrible breakup, I'm unemployed, I don't have a single soul to lean on, and winter is here. The crying spells are so intense and taking over my life, I can't prepare food or shower because I'm so overwhelmed and consumed by the sobbing that won't stop. I try everyday to recover and do positive self talk and love myself but it always comes to one moment I just get knocked down and go back into all my unhealthy cycles and hate myself because the energy to manage it is gone. I'm losing everything. I've already lost everything. I regret to so much that I hadn't taken my life when I was 13 and this started. I don't have hope and don't remember what it's like to be happy.