12yr relationship. Been sleep in the couch for the past the to 4 months. Cheating, lieing and non- supportive. Keeps me feeling down at times. One day i can wake up fine and other or like, no energy, Lack of emotions, Lifeless like.I have to push my self to get out of that apartment. At a younger age like ive said in a earlier post, that i cant remember any of my childhood fom like 12 or before that age. As far as i know nothing happened but how do you think most people get away with it cause they keep it a secret. So of coarse my family will say nothing happened and i was well taken care of. Well i beg a differ cause something happened for me to be this. Ive been getting mental help my whole life just not the propper kind. early teens to earlier adult ive been stabed multiple times 17 times to be exact. All in one fight if thatswhat you want to call it, held by 3 people while 3 other beat and kicked me while the other guy stabed. Same people only 3 this time 2 held me while the third got me with a bat in the head a few times. I was 13-15 when those events happened and the people that done it about the same age. Well when they got older they found guns so i got shot at a few different times, pistol wipped a few times and robbed a few times. Ok back it a few, my mom signed over custody when i was 3 months old, told my dad she didnt want me. 4 kids andonly in 2 of ours lifes and the other 2 gets left behind handed over for some one else to take care of. Ok back to what was going on, ive lived a life full of drugs money fighting what ever to fit in i did. Knowing how to fight and defend yourself doesnt to much when out numbered but i did my best stayed standing until they ran off. The thing is that the court had said on my first and only feloney ive ever had that i wasnt fit for society. Lol for pawning stolen goods. These days i try to do what i need to do and stay clean and out of trouble. Check my past post and things for kinda alittle more info i may have left out of this post. 

Some will say the bible say god or "your higher power" will not put you thru something if you can handle it. All the crap i had to go thu was building me for something. Everyone tell me "Drug therapist" Co-occuring group, things in that matter. Honestly if i cant fix my self how can i help other people. Well last night at I.O.P. class this one girl her second day had came in happy and e=with engery but the day before she was different depressed like. Well this other chick fighting to get her kids back wont stop smoking pot to even get her kids back. Shes been there since feb, its olny a month and a week program it almost aug and you havnt stopped smoking weed to get your kids back. Well she starting talking shit about the new girl behind her back, saying shes high as fuck and trying to pull a few others in it. Well i knew thegirl just started new meds and the meds she taking is the same as mine and it does me the same way. I knew from the start she was on meds from doc. Well the one girl kept on and kept on trying to get attention shes the kind that if simeine has a story she been thru the same thing but worse and trys to compete for the person been through the most. Well anyway I got fed up and brought it up in front of the whole group in a nice way about how its not cool to be talking about someone behind someones back. She there for same reason everyone else is and deserved to be treated rite and not judged. Well the girl that started it got made and slamed some doors and said some shit and the girl it was being said about came out side where i went cause i walked out of group well i told her and it made her so bad cause the only place to come to feel good and fit in with others going through the same things is now a unsafe place. So i went back in to group the other girl was gone. And i explained how i now felt unsafe to and wanted to change classes and i didnt know that these people starting crying not wanting me to go cause i inspirer them and they look up to which i had no clue. People on tis site feel the same . I dont understand why and wish i could see what everyone else sees in myself. ill fight for any one worth fighting for rather it be on here or in the group there is no point of setting back and letting it go if its supossed to be a safe place it needs to be for all.

Im just a recovering junkie thats caused alot of problems and doesnt really know how to act. Why would anyone want to look up to me. I honestly dont know if im going back or not.That girl wanted to relaspe so bad after hearing that but she cant cause she on that shot to keep u from getting high. If she is on that shot then there is no way she came in class high and also pass a monitored drug screen. I dont know what wrong with people these days and want to pull everyone in it with you. Id much rather fight for the real addict other than some one seeking attention.