Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Some days are good, but most days are bad. I feel really guilty for even saying things like this, but I can't help but feel like things aren't going to get better any time soon. I attend a great university surrounded by a supportive cohort as a graduate student, my family may not be the most supportive but at least they're present in my life, and my friends still check in with me every now and then to say hello. Although things may not look so bad from the outside, it's really difficult to open up about what's really going on in my head. I feel incredibly lonely and isolated even when I'm surrounded by people; I find myself day dreaming often during lectures; I don't enjoy listening to music or watching television/movies; I don't like eating or drinking anymore; and I am finding it more and more difficult explaining these feelings over and over again to therapists, crisis hotlines, family, and friends. However, the part that I struggle with the most is getting out of bed. I know this may sound crazy since everyone complains about getting their morning started, but getting myself physically out of bed has become the most difficult part of my day. Sometimes it feels like there are phantom weights pressing down upon my chest preventing me from even considering the idea of sitting in an upward position. When I open my eyes, thoughts begin to race back and forth warning me of the terrors and fears of what is awaiting outside of my bedroom door. Do I deserve to get out of bed? Am I worthless? Will I ever do anything right? Is today even worth it? I have never felt so deeply before in my life about how much I hate myself to the very core. It seems as though every thing that I do and say is both dreadful and disappointing. I've started questioning my own self-worth a lot of lately. I feel like I shouldn't have made it this far and that I truly do not belong here. These feelings have escalated as far as questioning my own existence and whether or not someone like me deserves to even live anymore. I'm taking things day by day, but I'm so tired of hating myself... I'm so tired of feeling this pain both on an emotional and physical level... Therapy visits aren't helping... Coping methods aren't helping... I'm hoping to try something new with this support group?
Thanks for your time in reading this. I feel less pain in writing this out.
That's how I get things done. Grit my teeth, keep plodding one foot in front of another. Go home at the end of the day, grit my teeth some more, handle the day's humiliations, cuddle the cats, and just soldier on. Survival is key. They can break my soul but not my body. And my soul can be restored so fuck 'em.
your courses are set. If you can manage to drag yourself through some swot you'll pass. then you'll never have to do them again. That's worth it.
And absolutely quit wasting your energy on self hatred. Omg what a waste of time. It doesn't even mean anything. Self hate boils down to nothing. It's irrelevant. It's not an excuse to get out of work. It's not a justification for not trying. It's a lie you tell yourself so you don't have to feel emotional pain.
I think it's a modern con inflicted on us by the music industry. Or maybe the medical industry? Somebody will be making money off it, somewhere, because it's only existed as a thing at all in the last 20 yrs. What even is hating yourself, as a thing? How can a person actually, fundamentally, hate themselves? This is all they've got. This is the best they're going to get. If they hate this, they're fucked. It's irrational to hate yourself, and I doubt that you truly do hate yourself.
I think it's become a trigger phrase the way I used to visualise shooting myself. And you need to change those triggers, and change that visualisation. Learn to say "I feel stressed" or 'I am worried" or "I feel guilty" or "I feel lonely" or whatever. Put some quality descriptors to how you are feeling and bin this 'i hate myself' stuff. It's shooting yourself in the foot.
It's like wanting yourself to lose at a game. Nobody wants themselves to lose at a game. But current cultural thought is to go ahead and hate yourself. Used to only be the emos and we'd laugh at them. Now it's everyone who has a tumblr.