Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm extremely frustrated tonight, its my moms birthday and I forced myself to be present and hang out with her all day. I live in her basement. Pretty humiliating, but it is what it is at the moment. I totally love my mom, but all day I just wanted to isolate, sleep, be alone.
I came downstairs at 7 p.m. but I feel so guilty, she's all alone upstairs. I hate this, but my drive to be alone and isolate is so strong. I sleep most days, and I need to get a job. I feel pathetic, and yet I'm terrified to work. I tend to break down when I get stressed and I'm so scared of it happening, yet again.
Anyhow, I have been in a constant state of hopelessness, lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of desire, no livelihood, and no desire to give all it takes to really live. Ever since a relationship ended, I lost my house, and dropped out of school, and was locked up for re-feeding for 3 months. Its like I gave up my will to live, and I've put on pounds, but I can't regain my strength, or happiness or anything else really.
For the past 3 years my depression hasn't been the lowest of lows, like in the past, but its never been quite this perseverant. Never ending bad dream, not quite a nightmare like times in the past, but nothing worthy of living for. I don't know whats wrong with me, why I can't snap out of it. I've taken meds regularly, and tried so many. I want to die and end this nightmare. I feel like my spirit has vanished.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm so sick of living like this.
I came downstairs at 7 p.m. but I feel so guilty, she's all alone upstairs. I hate this, but my drive to be alone and isolate is so strong. I sleep most days, and I need to get a job. I feel pathetic, and yet I'm terrified to work. I tend to break down when I get stressed and I'm so scared of it happening, yet again.
Anyhow, I have been in a constant state of hopelessness, lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of desire, no livelihood, and no desire to give all it takes to really live. Ever since a relationship ended, I lost my house, and dropped out of school, and was locked up for re-feeding for 3 months. Its like I gave up my will to live, and I've put on pounds, but I can't regain my strength, or happiness or anything else really.
For the past 3 years my depression hasn't been the lowest of lows, like in the past, but its never been quite this perseverant. Never ending bad dream, not quite a nightmare like times in the past, but nothing worthy of living for. I don't know whats wrong with me, why I can't snap out of it. I've taken meds regularly, and tried so many. I want to die and end this nightmare. I feel like my spirit has vanished.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm so sick of living like this.
You know sometimes it is great to sleep out side even if it rains and spoils every thing.... sure makes one wake up and run for cover it does. exhilarating
Its so good that you spent some of the day with your Mom....good job...that is really hard to do and I'm sure she knows what your state of mind is...she is a Mom.
I have a hard time pulling myself out too..but taking my medication I am doing and thinking better.
Sometimes what helps me is to watch a funny show...it sometimes forces me to laugh...
Your image of youself is tough....you have to realize that you are worth something...and have fallen on hard times...and these times will pass.....I'm so sad you feel so sad and I'm really lost for words.
Do you have any friends that can force you out of the house for a walk? Can unemployment get you back into school or a grant?
It seems the main parts are losing the relationship and the house..those are two big life changes..so realize it is normal for you to go thru depression.
Sorry that your stuck in this state of exhausting depression. Your on medication so I'm assuming your seeing a Psychiatrist. Have you considered going in-patient for a while to get yourself on the right med cocktail, get some extensive therapy for the specific problems your having and to give yourself a break from the guilt and stress of not being "enough" for your mom or anyone else.
I know that going in-patient can be scary, but more often than not, it helps a lot to get you back on your feet, so you can have a fresh start. Right now your stuck and as long as you just sit in that basement all day every day telling yourself how bad your life is, and how lonely and scared and depressed you are....nothing will change. It's too big a problem and it's too hard to find the answer.
Going in for a while would give you the opportunity to let the Dr.'s help you find the answers and get yourself back on your feet.
Hope you feel better soon.
But, you have showed me eshaw...that even degrees don't beat depression..so I go back to medication (which I never believed in). But when I was drinking only a short 30 days ago....I didn't take my medication..and alcohol being a depressant made everything more dramatic.
Just because your life changes with house and lady....happened 3 years ago....sounds like you still are taking it hard. Its great your willing to make a Dr. appt. (I wasn't good with Drs when I was drinking)....and when you go...be completely honest.
Some people are too embarrassed to be honest..but that is the only way the Dr. can truly help. Sometimes they will give you anxiety meds...to help you with withdrawal...if you plan to stop.
But, if you don't tell them...your blood work and stuff can throw them off to the wrong diagnosis...and that won't help you.
For example...my platelets were consistently high...my Dr. was going to send me to an Oncologist....for cancer blood work. Its known that when a person stops drinking platelets rise...So I asked him if he thought that is why? He agreed and told me to come back again if I could sustain from drinking...I did...and they were normal.
Drinking throws off much blood work....so be honest so you can get the right help and if you don't get understanding in return..get a new Dr.
It's hard isn't it? The longer you don't do anything the harder it is to get out there. And meanwhile you're stressed because you feel like you need to be doing something. Well listen, I've realised that we don't owe the world anything. We owe ourselves some kindness, that is all. Don't compare your journey to anybody else's. You have so much time eshaw. I have been dealing with depression for years. What helps me is finding joy in the little things; a good cup of coffee, getting my hair done, watching episodes of my favourite show. Just living in the moment. It's ok to treat yourself. What inspires me is this quote,
"For what it's worth: it is never too late to be who you want to be. I hope you live a life you are proud of, and if you find you are not, I hope you have the strength to start over again." F. Scott Fitzgerald
He's right; every new day is a new opportunity. I wish you all the best.
If you are suffering...she is...