I am no expert but I have felt as you are and do you think that this will genuinely help you? I know you are worried about your kids hon, but if this will help make you feel better it will also help your children. I hope this helps. If you ever need someone to talk to please send a message. I will help or at least be there to "listen".

Terry

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so bad. I have kids too and was hospitalized last year for a week. It was hard on them but it was what I needed. It really helped me. I know you don't want to go to the hospital but maybe It's the best thing for you. If you are feeling this bad, you need to think of you and what you need. You may really benefit from it... I'm thinking of you. If you want to talk, you know where to find me. :) hugs.

Honey i am here for you ok Love Fibro

Thank you for the replies!
I see pdoc next week and will discuss going inpatient again. I just feel so much like I can't cope. The last time I got this bad was last December and I was hospitalized for attempted overdose.

Talk to the kids and mention what the doctors sd. They might understand, if you say that it is to be evaluated because you aren't feeling well and that you want to be healthy for them too

Thanks Elena. I have mentioned it to them and my daughter is upset about it. My son is just like what good is that gonna do.....that all the problems will still be here.
I need a break from life.

Daughters r drama sometimes. Don't feel bad S, when I'm sad, my son mocks me and says..I'm depresssssed..what a dick.

And I don't want people hijacking this thread tellin me I'm a bad mother for calling my son a bad name, lol.

My dear friend,
You have written to me several times and I have not responded. I did abandon you due to my own ongoing problems.
I promise you I will find time to write to you today.

I am sorry to say that I too am in the same boat. My therapist want to hospitalize me, but due to my dog I have been able to talk my way out of it - - - so far.

I am so sorry I haven't been here for you. I plan on becoming a more active member again soon.

Until then, know that you are in my heart, girlfriend.
Take care~BB

Elena thank you so much! My kids are older too. My son will be 18 soon and my daughter will be 16, so it is not like they can't take care of themselves if I'm not here for a bit. They just don't want to have to...I mean cooking, dishes, laundry are not fun stuff.

Bzybee I am so sorry you are in the same boat. It is not fun when the depression gets this bad. I didn't even want to get out of bed again. and will probably end up napping half the day. I also have zippo energy. Looking forward to hearing from you. I've been wondering how you are!

If you don't look after yourself, you can't (realistically) look after anyone else.

If you had a 'physical accident' that landed you in hospital, you & no one else would think 'twice' about it...

I despise the term... But 'Mental Illness' just as debilitating (if not more so) as any Eg: broken bone etc....

Look after yourself!

I'm sorry for not keeping in touch with you....I've been stuck in a very
bad space my own self for a very long time and just haven't been on here to speak of.....
So very sorry you've hit that horrid wall and hope you can hang on through the weekend til you can talk to your dr.
If things get worse, please go to your ER for your own sake as well
as the children's.
Nobody should have to go through this alone!!!
Your children might not understand all of it but hopefully will in time.
Take gentle care sweet soul, remember how many others care about you and want you to feel better soon!!!
(((((((((((very gentle hugs))))))))))

Thank you so much Sibil. It is very debilitating. and really I'm not looking after anyone with the way I am right now.

Noodlebg thank you....I know you've been in a bad place as well. I hope my children understand it eventually. I figure they'll grow to hate me for being so messed up. I feel so badly for them to have such a screwed up mother.

You are NOT a screwed up mother!!!! Please stop labeling yourself that way, it'll only make things worse and I believe you are smart enough to know both of those!!!

You have an illness that needs treatment just like any major illness does!!
The d** depression has you thinking the worst right now but once
you get better, things will smooth out.
I very much doubt your children will harbor any ill will towards you...they may just be confused and unsure what they should be
doing right now. Teens are, just by nature, complex beings and don't always understand things. They do 'get it" in time.

I made more mistakes than I care to say, with both of mine and they are doing just fine, both are in their mid 40's and able to handle life well in spite of my own screw ups.

You love them dearly, keep showing that love no matter what.
You want to get well, that's why you're considering going back
in patient....

Please, please, stop thinking or yourself in such a negative way..
you are and always have been since I've known you a very kind,
compassionate, caring and empathetic soul.
IF you were such a mess, you could never have been the person you really are.

I didn't say that just to make you feel good, you know I only say what I mean and I mean what I say!!

Do what you need to keep yourself safe til you see your dr.
I don't know if you have toll free crisis lines up there but if you do,
call one or more if you can't go to the ER.

I really hope knowing so many folks do care about you will give
you strength to hold on!!
((((((((((((((very gentle hugs)))))))))).

Noodlebg thank you for being so understanding and encouraging.
I just forced myself to bus it to the library and got some movies. I am hoping they will distract me for a little while. All I want to do is sleep and then I don't have to think.

I will say prayers that the movies will help you relax and that when you do sleep, it will be peaceful, with happy dreams of
the better days that will come!!.

May the morning sun shine it rays on you and brighten your day....

((((((((((very gentle hugs))))))))))))