I'm deeply sorry that you feel. I have so much in common with you except I have no real friends and my family is dysfunctional so I keep away from them. .Once i've become suicidal my friends disappeared. This world is cruel when it comes to severly depressed people. I've been to therapsts and took meds they just don't work for me.It's frustrating when noone gets it, Thinking about others feelings once i'm gone doesn't bother me anymore, They should have thought about my feelings before I got to this point. I've only been complaining for the past 3 yrs, perhaps they think it will never happen,And you do have the right to end your pain. It's your life and noone feels the agony ,but you., If it's anything like my mental pain, it's unbearable agony.Not sure if you have children, but if you do,think twice before ending your life. I as well have my letters all written out. With every fiber of my being i'm ready to go.
I hope you're able to find peace some how, in any event,I support you with whatever decision you deside to make..xoxxo

i'm sorry for the typos.

In my opinion only, emotional agony is worse than physical. Physical can be addressed more easily with meds/therapy.

I'm tired of all of it to....ending it is not an option for me though.
I'm not going to sit here and criticize you for your choice.
I would only ask that you think long and hard that there might be other options. You said you're afraid of hurting those left behind...there apparently are some people in your world that you do care about.
You sound very alone, would you consider keeping posting here and venting/ranting about your pain?
You are not alone with how you are thinking, nocoping and myself are but two of who knows how many walking in your shoes.
I also hope, that even in some small way you are able to find some peace and comfort in an otherwise black hole.

Depressed people have thought once a while to end it all. You have to pass that period and that should get better. I see on your profile that several antidepressants help you. I took all of them and none helped me I was in strong pain for 7 month till I took Elavil that reduced my anxiety (because strong pain over whole body was caused by anxiety). I still have deep depression though it did not reduce in 8 months. Plan to take Effexor people say it helps. If it will not help I do not know what else to try.
I agree on that with you that killing yourself will be very painful and the idea that you will not exist anymore is even more painful so I am going through horrendous pain every day in hope that it will get better. it can get better for you too so hold yourself together.

As to feeling lonly and having no friends if you still experience those feelings you are not too bad and have hope. In my worst I did not need anybody, did not care about anything and did not want see or talkto people. Basicaly I did not have any feeling even towards my close relatives. I was just in constant pain and scared that I am dying every day. I even did not think about whether I am lonly or not because it was just no matter I just wantede to survive it. It was no matter whether I am succesful in life or looser becausethere was no life anymore. Time stoped, days did not separate from nights. space perception changed to the point when I did not distinuguish outside of house from inside the house. Air became liquid and it felt like I was part of the surroundings. I had to put efford into living because every minute was hard and painful. Street shrikned, horison had fallen, world around disappeared I just seen small space in front of me and had perception that it was only thing that existed plus it was orange. As you might understand in those moments I did not care whther I am lonly or not, did not care about destiny of my relatives as I did not have any feelings left but pain I just hoped that it will ever go away. It did improved some as hopenless as it seemed on the beginning. Oh, I did not mention that I could sit or lay and had to be moving all the time because as soon as I would stop it would feel like i am torn apart into space. Now I am finaly can talk to people (still hard). And most imporatnt that i can sit, lay and sleep again. Person does not appreciate those simple things in life and thinks that ability to sit, stay in one place and lay will be also there. It actualy can go away too. Never mind friends.

Still here, trying to make it through one hour at a time. Not sure how I feel at this point, kinda numb. just going through motions. After I lost my Mom I didnt think i would make it, its been 4 years and seems to get worse, not better. I dont understand that. I just want to be with her, no one else.

Hi. I have been lurking for a bit but haven't posted anything before so bear with me here. I completely understand what you mean about losing your mom. I lost mine in 2009 and it still hurts every day. Especially when things are going wrong or you feel hurt in other ways. Hugs from others are great, but sometimes you just want your mom.

Honestly, I don't know if it ever gets completely better. But there are going to be moments when it is worse and when it is easier. I would say, don't give up just yet. I'm taking it one hour at a time too, but if you can just hang in there, the next hour does come. Then the next day. Eventually things turn around, no matter how hopeless or unbearable they seem right now.

I feel alone too. If you think about it, it's amazing how many of us do. But you're not. I'm not. None of us is ever really alone.

Wow, I feel like I could have written this note myself. I think it is part of the disease to feel so alone, to feel like nobody understands how much this hurts. We are sort of self-centered in that way because it is hard to focus on anything other than the pain.

I guess the reason that I haven't done anything is the hope that maybe I'll find the answer, maybe something will make it better. And if I kill myself I might miss it.