Hello, well my name is Mike and I am feeling at this very moment very Deptessed and not being able to see much hope in my life. I am 46 years old, live alone and feel that I really don't have any genuine friends and reasons to keep going. I have been dealing with Major Depression for too many years and also diabetes ( type 2), hypothyroidism, high cholesterol , pancreatitis, degenerative disk disease and some others. I have been out if work due to rotator cuff tear and scheduled to come back to work this Monday, ironically I work in the mental Heath field helping persons with mental health issues. Regretably while being out if work I finally realized that I have been living above my income and have about 70k in debt. I have called all the credit card companies to cancel /close cards even with high balances but now I don't know how I will be able to make "acceptable payments" as I no longer can do the balance tranfer game like many have done. The really strange thing is I have really nothing to show for all the debt. I cannot is even file bankroutcy since I filed on the past but also that I did not stop using all the cards since last week. I feel guilty , ashamed and debating if it's worth going on in my life. I thought I made some friend(s) recently but I think my personality was a " turn off" which I honestly cannot blame them since they have their own issues in their lives. I feel so badly for since a child what emotional pains I caused both my parents and my sister. It's been about three years since my grandmother had passed away. Both my grandmother and I lived together for 20+ years.... Boy I really miss her. I did try going to a support group this past Sunday but they were all on vacation. I could really use any support or friends that this online group may have to offer. I most likely won't kill myself but moreover is there anything positive that could help me be able to have any " happiness"... Thanks for reading