i have to go now...will be back later maybe..i could really do with some advice...no sympathy please..just advice please...

I'm sorry your havign such a hard night....Remember ..that it is the depression that tells us how unworthy we are of love and a family that loves us.....and takes away all hope of anything good....

Remember though...you have a lovely family that love you....and that is the disease telling you all the negative things about yourself.......

I jsut want to tell you ....that you are worthy...even though you don't feel it right now....and that you are loved....we value you here...and want you to be ok....and get to feeling better.....

I would love more than anything else to feel happy all the time and not feel guilty for it...is that to much to ask? obviously!

it doesnt matter i dont belong her anyway...goodnight

you will get through it eventually!!!

You're not a useless unworthy person. You will get happiness. I think it's unrealistic to want it all the time and immediately. I'm not a SI, but I have felt the way you feel. Let me know if I can help.

hi, I just came on and saw this so I am hoping that maybe you will see this later. I really understand the si pull but it is soooo important to learn different coping mechanisms and relases because what can come of it can make things a million times worse and even more hard than that. A little while ago I gave into my SI feelings for the fist time in a very long time. I burned my arm-my whole forearm. I thought I had control of it at the time but I clearly didn't. Now I have to go to the burn unit twice a day and I have to change my bandages ever two hours. They have to scrub it clean twice a day and that hurts in a way I can't describe. But here is the serious thing- even after all of that it still got infected and now they have to go in cut out all the infected tissue, shave skin from my thigh and graft it onto my arm- except if the infection is in my bone or if the graft doesn't take or any number of other things they'll end up amputating my arm. Oh and did I mention a blood stream infection is deadly. That doesn't take a large burn to happen- that can happen with any burn.

You asked for honesty and I'm being very honest. Its hard to know all the consequences of SI and thats why its important to find other ways to deal. I KNOW that is hard but this now is much harder I promise and I could be you at some point. Oh, and cutting is just as bad btw
So, how do you do something different??? Well there are no easy answers and quick fixes. Meds will likely help but they are not a cure all. Counseling can be extremely helpful if you can do it. It sounds to me like you have A LOT of negative self talk going on. Notice this when you do it and call yourself out on it. I'll quote you "i dont deserve happiness or health or friends,kids,hubby, knowledge. I am a useless unworthy person and i dont know why" Well the truth of the matter is that every person deserves happiness, health and family/friends- its essential to being human. So when your head starts saying those things- stop yourself and correct yourself- this is the depression talking even if it feels totally real just now. If thats too much start with trying to say at least 5 nice things about yourself twice a day.. Also notice what is going on when you start to beat up on yourself- it may give you some insight as to what and why you are feeling for real. More simply said get help AND help yourself. AND if all of that is too hard sometimes keep coming here. Keep finding someone to talk to because there are a lot of people here who understand and are willing to listen.

Ok, this is long enough. I hope I've said something that clicks with you even just a little bit.

big gentle hugs xx