Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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SHUTTING DOWN AGAIN

veggiequeen
veggiequeen

Tears streaming down my face as i return from my doctors appointment. I just got done telling her all is ok with my new antidepressant and it's dosage.  i proceeded to tell her this past week i have had alot to deal with so i have had some hard times, but that it is to be expected.  that is life.


I explained I had issues come up at work, am still working up nerve to confront hubby for a divorce, (feeling guilty because lately things have been ok....but knowing it is because he is content just going through the motions) and now have someone very special I have grown attached to who has offered another option...to go with him ,by my side, and start a new chapter  (one that sounds so very perfect and tempting...with he and I and his young daughter who lost her mom just 3 years ago to cancer) 


My doctor suggested counseling....been there, done that. I told her I have come to turn here to DS and gotten alot of support, feedback, and concern from others. I also pointed out I know how therapy works....they listen and in the end I must decide on my own what to do. For a moment my head was spinning (thus the tears)....I imagine every option  ...I truly don't want to hurt and abandon hubby, but I do so want to be able to feel everything I have been missing for all these years to "jump back into life", then I fear that this specialman that I have come to know may be hurt if I just stay put here with hubby and I do NOT want to hurt him.


There is the other option that if I do put all my trust in someone I have ony shared and spoken with online (met on DS) I could be disappointed. So of all three people  I am the obvious one to be hurt ....when my prince does not appear  or when I stay with hubby continuing to do for him, but with hi doing very little for or with me.  Very lonely, very sad....this is when I did start to imagine the remainder of my life with absolutley no affection or physical touch....just numb and getting by.  Thus the tears.


KelleyPaterson
KelleyPaterson
My husband just went through the motions with me for a long time. I tried to suggest date nights and spending more time together but he was not interested. It still came as a shock when he broke up with me.

I think if you have a chance at happiness go for it!
dinahmorris
dinahmorris
Take your time-its easy to romanticise an online relationship-been there myself. Just deal with one step at a time. Be clear with your husband and dont do what I did-ie after 9 years take offence to something he said and walk out on the marriage. I am glad it ended, but I was a coward and I regret not talking more about why I had to leave. Your new friend's daughter wiill have feeling too, dont just think you can come in and replace her mother and her relationship with her father. good luck. be brave and true to your heart and all will work out eventually
fredrica
fredrica
It sounds like you feel that you are in a loveless marriage. That can leave you feeling sad, depressed, and lonely. You also indicate that you are tempted by the possibility of starting another relationship with someone else. Running from one relationship to another doesn’t seem like the best thing to do right now, since you are in such a vulnerable place. Although, you have tried counseling in the past, try not to let previous counseling experiences rob you of an opportunity to seek help at this time. So many factors influence the success of counseling, including the client’s truthfulness, desire to grow, insight, and the skill of the therapist. I encourage you to also be more truthful with your doctor about how you are really doing. Your doctor may be able to make more recommendations and referrals, but you must be honest. Have you considered searching for a local church in your area where married women meet for support? Being around other people (face-to-face) who can offer encouragement and a listening ear can be a great help.
bridgie101
bridgie101
I say often that the chances of you ever having been born are so infinitessimally small, and so many trillions of other little zygotes never got the chance to live, that you have actually a HUGE responsibility to LIVE your life.

It's shocking disrespect of all those other little souls that never had a chance to live as you live now, to wilfully selfmurder in a stale, loveless and unhappy marriage.

I can promise you that self-contorting bck into that 2 ft square box with hubby will lead you to a nervous breakdown. It could easily lead you to suicide. It's not a way to live.

So to be pragmatic: it's a bust and the clock's ticking. You need to stop investing time you don't have in it.

Having said this, and in the interests of time and efficiency, I am not happy to hear you're leapfrogging from one man to another though. I think space in between would be the strongest thing fro you to do. You are simply transferring your hopes and needs from one guy to another. You are not learning to fully become a new and real you.

Lurching from one guy to feel guilty about to another is not a way to live. You're bringing your own dysfunction to a new relationship and you will shape that relationship into the form of dysfunction you hated in the last one. Your need for stability will force your relationship into a form you are stable in, used to. feel normal in. In short: Your body will fight to turn this relationship into the old one.

You need to stop in the middle and start asking yourself who you are, and exactly what guilt is, and why you let it drive you. You need to grow, come up to date. It takes pain, panic, terror, tears and time. But without any time alone, you're just going to waste even more years.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
I have to admit, after missing and craving attention, love and so much more for so long......I am still far too trusting and gullible (ok, insert head slap here...lol) I do not believe I NEED to go directly from one to another, but when I started chatting with other guy (who of course did say "all the right things") I felt this opportunity did arise.

I was afraid not only to be struggling financially on my own, but also to wind up alone (lonely and sexless forever) I am not one to be bold or brazen enough to hop from man to man.... or bed to bed. To me I only did share this with 3 men in my entire life twice FWB.....(more benefit for them....though i must admit a tad for me as well)

I am actually looking forward now to spending some time doing as I choose, adjusting to so much of what I have been discovering and coming to accept about myself (things before I did not dare even think about because I was brought to believe were taboo) and coming to accept that I am entitled to have needs and desires. (Lord knows I do. )
bridgie101
bridgie101
well just take care of yourself is all.

and one day ask me how I know all this stuff.

whimper.