So I've told my therapist that I've been having suicidal thoughts and that I thought it could have been the medication because it started when we upped the dosage and I had also said that I think it could be stress because I am very stressed out lately but when I told her, she just only recommended that I see a therapist. I had one but I had to stop going because she didn't take my insurance so now I'm stuck with this one and I'm not a big fan of her to be honest. I'm not sure why but I just don't like her that much. Anyway, last week I was okay with these thoughts but now they seem to be getting worse and worse and honestly, all I can think about is just killing myself. Why you ask? Well I rather honestly do that if I can't get into my dream college in NYC in September. I'm stressing out on how I'll be able to pay for it and stuff. So if you were to ask me what my plan b is if I can't get into the college, the answer is to kill myself. And I don't want it to be but like, isn't that a little too selfish? I honestly have never had thoughts like this before but they seem to be often now and like it seems that nobody cares. I don't know what the heck I am going to do. I just want things to magically work out for me. Like I can win the lottery or something. Or someone can just take me off of this god damn medication. Any suggestions?