I remember those days. For me, it was feeling like everything was not real. Not in my control. Spiraling somewhere that seemed so crazy.... my head would get lost, and I needed reality. I needed to know reality existed. I needed to know that I was still real. Seeing myself bleed helped with that.
So what stopped it for me? first I had a boyfriend at the time who took my razors from me. It made it a pain when I needed to shave, but he would then lend me his, which were all these safety razors. That took away one option for me and made me think other times because I had someone who was asking me, checking on me. When we broke up, I lost myself again. But being able to share with him, allowed me to start sharing with others. I was able to find someone else struggling with this, and we began to be each other's support. She would ask me about my struggles, and I would ask about hers.
In Caroline, I was no longer alone. We didn't talk much to our other friends about it, because it scared them. I was called Crazy, told things that I know now were just them expressing they just didn't know what to say or do. But in Caroline - 1 person who understood and was there with me - we linked arms and walked together out of that Hell. It wasn't easy. we both had lapses, but when she would fall, I would be there, and when I would fall, she would let me know that I still deserved to be loved and were still a good person.
I know it is hard, but you don't deserve to hurt like that. You are a beautiful person, and are worthy of love. There are other ways to ground yourself. Look up mindfulness strategies - they helped me. Being present in the moment and being able to be know I was still alive and ok without cutting helped.
I hope that helps you.
:) Susie