Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
That's kind of what it feels like. I notice when I write here it's usually the same thing. I have maybe more of a feeling of resignation which actually feels kind of good. Like I don't have to be ok and that's ok. But still, it's hard to hurt all the time. God, I love distraction. I think that is my main coping mechanism. anything to turn off my brain and the worry and the negativity. usually what works isn't particularly healthly, like eating or watching videos but healthy stuff like meditation doesn't really do the trick. Does anyone else have that problem of only finding real relief from stress in "bad" behaviours and the healthier choices such and exercise and meditaion and journalling although helpful do not offer nearly the same level of relief? I wonder why that is?
anyway, I'm exhausted. I want to write more but I'm too tired. I can't believe the amount of times I wanted to call the suicide hotline but was too depressed and didn't have the energy. Kind of ironic.
I try to encourage poeple on here sometimes who are feeling bad and say things like go to counseling, don't give up, etc. and I believe in all that but as I get older I'm starting to realize that life is just what it is and we don't all get the same level of good fortune and happiness and there's not that much we can do about it. I feel like I havne't had much control over my life and it's been a lot of really hard and bad things and that was how it went no matter how hard I fought it and believe i did put up a fight, and that makes me feel sad but in the same way that life has carried me along, like a stick being carried downstream by a river, it will carry me along to the end, to the sea, and that there's really not much to do but sit back and surrender to the current.
that was corny i guess but that's kind of how i feel. struggling for control all the time seems to bring so much suffering. even struggling to control or alleviate suffering seems to bring more suffering...? I don't know. I don't understand anything and in a way that feels good. and not giving a shit brings some relief too.
It's exhausting, the thoughts come out of no where . Its a hard painful viscous cycle.
Its a horrible feeling of not having control of your mind.
I have disasosiation which than my brain checks out, When this happens it is very scary. I want it to stop , I'm working with a theripist, it's a slow process, will it work or will I make it.
I have been struggling with this for about a year now after my trauma.
Your not alone, from what I read from your post, you don't feel like, anyone understands what your going through.
What I want and maybe you do to, is for people to understand we are all dealing with issues in a different ways. And we have to try to find what hopefully works for us.
I'm also having a hard time with exercise and journaling. I believe it can work, I'm not there yet. I was beating myself up about not doing it. I realized that wasn't helping me.
If I need to play video games to have some relief, I'll take that moment.
Hope this makes sense to you.
Do your best, that's all we can do.
Take care
Overall I would say I am sorry are still suffering so much . Wish I could help.