hi, im new here

I usually post over at the domestic violence/psychopathic abuser victims group.

but I notice recently in the last week since it got cold here im really depressed, like extremely depressed out of nowhere. like a flip just switched in my brain. I was kind of sad and stressed before but now im extremely sad.

only since the day it got cold here and its been looking gloomy outside. even the lights inside the home look much darker than usual wich is strange. im wondering if there is a sudden vision problem of mine that showed up the same time as the depression.

I never had this happen to me before. I tried going outside the front door and even it looks gloomy and overcaste and not light out in the middle of the day

maybe that's the weather this time of year? cloudy? im a 30 yr old female and I do have a lot of things going on that im under stress about.

I have been suffering from a life threatening illness and severe symptoms every single day for 5 yrs. my doctors couldn't find a cure for me and ive been in horrible pain and drowsy with a lot of symptoms.

I have some unknown autoimmune disease along with drug resistant infections that are systemic and I cant get rid of them, one of them is mrsa.

and that I know can get to the brain and cause depression ,confusion,memory loss and other neurological symptoms.

it can even cause psychosis

due to the neurotoxins.

I have no emotional support from anyone. my family hasn't talked to me in about 7 yrs and they are abusive to me and tell me they hate me and they don't care that ive been sick. I live with my parents still but they don't talk to me, they only yell at me or ignore me or make threats. its emotional abuse

so im lonely and isolated every day with only a computer.

im not able to work or go to school. I had a mild stroke a year ago and have been homebound since and bed ridden and exhausted.the stroke caused serious tiredness

the tiredness is not from depression but most stroke victims are very tired for a year or so after as the brain repairs itself.

I have gained a lot of weight from my systemic infections because they store fat

I cant work or go to school, im too physically sick.

I have trouble getting out of the house. I haven't been away anywhere outside the home since august.

I open the door to get air or stand in the drieveway occasionally but my symptoms don't let me go into a car anywhere

im alone, I have no friends and no one to talk to. only people in chat rooms and message boards on the net.

its like the days are going by. I feel very lonely suddenly. im usually not lonely and im an introvert so I have great times being on my own.

but suddenly it hit me last week with depression that I feel sad I have no family and no one to talk to .


I don't know how to improve the situation, things keep getting worse.

I have no friends, no hobbies, no fun.

its me and my thoughts and cabin fever. I cant go out of the house to see a therapist. and I don't think I have regular depression, I think I have situational depression probably some seasonal depression too

because I was fine mentally this summer, I was chipper and optimistic even tho my situation is bad.

I have insomnia too

and im not happy how I look because I gained weight and my hair has a huge knot in it from after my stroke I couldn't take care of myself because I was bedridden for months


I wonder what I can do in the day....when im not sleeping.. all I have really is a laptop with internet.