Hello I guess you need professional help. There is a crisis center here on DS on the depression board.

Please keep working and things can get better.

I was in school and just was not popular. Maybe some of it was my own fault but people did not seem to like me. I made it through, got married to a wonderful lady and had a son. He had a great high school and I lived a second life vicariously through him. sports here, girls loved him, etc. Life has a way of evening out, particularly for people who work hard through adversity. You may not be a big Trump fan but do consider this.

He was terrible and unprepared during the first debate, humiliating himself in front of a 100 million people, it was so bad his own daughter avoided him. Horrible and humiliating tapes came out and even people in his own people disowned him. And he became president and now millions admire him. And even consider Bill Clinton, equally humiliated but today we consider him to be one of the top presidents in history.

Others mentioned professional help and I am not saying try to do this on your own. I can say things can change

There's a skinny, thin line between being in misery, and saying "I'll kill myself" and it's one that people cross when they talk all the time.

Last night, for instance, I was crying my eyes out, alone too much, living alone, missing my daughter and inside myself I crossed that line.

Life wasn't worth living. What was the point? Why bother going on and on just to always struggle, and always lose?

Well, I don't feel that way this morning. I cried myself to sleep and I don't feel that way this morning. Now I'm more inclined to look at those questions and think about the answers.

What is the point? Well, what IS it?

What is this life that you've got, and what is it for?

Surely, of all things, given that you only get one, it's there to be enjoyed.

However you want to enjoy it. And if you want more people in your life, maybe this year can be the year you join two social groups. Just two. Or two activity groups.

Join them, go to their meetings, and at the end of the year you'll probably have two new friends, one from each group, who you get along with well and who are your kind of person.

thing about school is everyone's thrown in together, and they're all so different. As we get older, we follow our interests and group up more closely with people like us. That's when things start to get better.

So just see this as a bad time for now, that's going to end. And when you catch yourself moving from 'my life sucks' to 'i will get rid of my life' maybe stop and say 'i'll just get rid of THIS VERSION of it. I'll just CHANGE my life, not totally chuck it.'

Tiny changes make big results over time. :)

Oh and for me I think art class and a walking group. :p But I'm old. You'er young. Maybe abseiling and potholing. ?

Invite to 'Soldier' group

Thanks for the advice . Nothing has changed I still can't handle life and now I'm plotting how I will kill my self tomorow . I hope it dosnt happen :(

would you listen to a retired music teacher. I tried to take my life when I was young I was gay in a bad childhood the bullying was so bad from being poor being gay even bad hygiene. kids used to run me down and beat me up for wearing the same clothes over and over. I am no counselor but I am a human it may have nothing to do with self will but self loathing alone with bad chemistry in the brain. what ever it is I bet music has something to do with something you care about...None of the kids knew how many times I wanted to die. i ended up being a teacher of music and helping messed up kids like i was i talked many of them out of the last resort and into Living hotel . Do you play music. do you have someone who means something to you. i want you to think of that one thing that does matter. No clichés. but. would you call A crisis line for an old teacher it would mean a lot to me i wish i could sit and talk to you about your music. So many times i could not take the memories of my bad childhood. Especially after 2 bouts of cancer but i came back for my students.. i am lonely old alone and gay with no friends i want to give up so much... yet i see their pictures and it is just not the legacy i want to leave. I would be such a hypocrite. just sharing my experience strength and hope... Here is my hand please take it and go call for help . It is the hardest and bravest decision to make . i am actually crying thinking about your pain .. I really do care . Tomorrow. give us all a tomorrow with you Good Samaritans is great and they are so loving and caring and don't rush you. would you go to the ER .i am with you. i am not going to say corny stuff but i know your feeling of no hope . i have lived with it constantly. see i am just like you . i am human and need help. that is all i have.. Prayers being said from a retired person who has been there and cares alot

ThNks so much . Even though we have a big age difference we have a lot in common . I went to be a music teacher . But my anxiety got to me and I don't feel like I'm a competent person to actually teach music . So I never did . Now I'm fighting for my life . I used to love music but now I can't get myself to play at all . I can't get myself to do anything . All I think of is how I can die . I have never succeeded but I'm afraid this might be the last straw . That I won't make it :(

I would do the Good Samaritan thing but I don't talk on the phone my parents would hear me . I'm just stuck fighting this on here :(

Sorry to hear that you are going threw that

If need someone to talk to I'm here