Depression Support Group

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SAD In Reverse...

silverlight
silverlight

Hello,all...


I am not new to DS but I haven't posted in this group for a very long time.


Today has been a terrible day.I am despondent.Alone.Hopeless.


I know that for most people SAD occurs in the fall/winter,but my pyschiatrist diagnosed me with "SAD in reverse" because my worst depressions happen in the springtime with the time change.It is extra lonely because people don't undertsnad how I can feel so terrible when the whole world is coming to life again,when there is more daylight.But the thing is I cannot stand that sunshine.I find it simply oppresive.Add to that I have terrible insomnia and with the days being longer it makes it even harder to sleep.I live in a very small place and today i ended up so not being able to stand the light anymore that I actually taped up black garbage bags to my windows...I know I know.isn't that an insane thing to do? But I am just doing it until I can get blackout curtains.


I am scared to post this lest nobody really can understand how wretched springtime makes me feel while most of you who my heart goes out to who suffer from wintertime SAD are now feeling so much more alive and less depressed.


I don't *want* to be this way and I don't undertsand it....and feel like I should be like the majority of people who are out enjoying the warmer weather but....I can't.


A whole lot of my hospitalizations for depression have been in the springtime.


Today has been particularily bad.It is really sinking in and I can't take feeling this way.This season just fills me with dread.


I can't sleep.


But it's ok because I feel most at ease in the middle of the dark night.I can't stand when the sun comes up.


It's ok if you all call me crazy for being this way.


I *feel* crazy for being this way.


I just can't help it.


Anyway,I hope to get to know some of you and lend my support to others if I can.


Thank you for reading if you have.....feeling rather desperate and alone right now.


And it is not even April yet.




Anna1212
Anna1212
omg. i feel like we are twins. YES. My depression is worst in the spring and light drives me NUTS. I have black out curtains on my bedroom windows and usually keep all the curtains and blinds closed. I love the middle of the night best too because it's cool and dark.
I don't think you are crazy at all. I didn't realize it had something to do with time change. Everything coming to life in the spring somehow depresses me like either 1) here we go again, or 2) it kind of reminds me of the passing of time.
I don't like when the sun comes up either in the morning and just today I was thinking of how it was getting to WARM for me and it's like in the mid 60's!
No you aren't crazy. I understand. I don't think either of us are weird or crazy, I think some people are just wired this way.
We should start a Springtime depression group! : )
But yea, it's not funny. I hope you are feeling better. Blackout curtains are great. Sometimes they aren't enough and I put up blankets on the windows!
I'm sorry you have been hospitalized. That is really hard. I've been through that too.
I hope that knowing you aren't the only one that feels that way helps.
silverlight
silverlight
Oh Anna,Thank you for your reply.....I am so sorry you are going through this as well.I haven't really met anyone I have this in common with.
You have helped me to feel so much less alone,although I truly wish you did not undertstand at all if that makes sense....

I hope you find some peace and comfort this springtime....
Anna1212
Anna1212
No problem. Actually, some spring times are worse than others. This year isn't so bad yet, at least for that reason. But I have noticed that pattern in my depression. I have had really strong, deep depression with the onset of spring many times. I hope you can find some peace and comfort this spring too.
Stitch06
Stitch06
silver the SAME thing happens to me! I can’t stand summer. too many people out. too much light. days are too long and i feel immense guilt for wanting to avoid the world when everyone thinks it’s so “nice out”. I live for winter when it gets dark at 3 and there is happy fluffy snow and no one goes out because i can breathe. your not alone <3
silverlight
silverlight
Oh Stitch thank you for helping me to feel less alone with this.
Yes...wintertime darkness....what a relief.
Stitch06
Stitch06
silver i got a head lamp and collars with lights for my dogs so i can peacefully walk them off leash in the dark!! you are never ever alone my friend. i moved to a place that gets snow 9/12 months a year.... it is only just now starting to get dark after 5pm (which i’m sad it’s getting dark later). not to mention i love the cold too. i hate the heat. i love snow and roses cheeks and fleece blankets and hot coffee and winter hats and gloves.... my cozy sweaters :) i love nothing about summer lol i soooo feel you friend. we can be summer hermits together <3
silverlight
silverlight
Ah yes summer hermits sounds lovely,Stitch thanks :)
tayyyyyybugggyy
tayyyyyybugggyy
are on any medications that help u a lil more?
cici65
cici65
I'd never heard of SAD in reverse, but it makes total sense to me! I too like the darker winter months and find my depression coming in when the days get longer and everyone is happy and sunny. In the spring you are supposed to feel good so it makes you feel all the worse for not. You are not alone! And you are not crazy! Thanks for writing. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad now and I hope things get better soon. Sending you hugs.
silverlight
silverlight
tayyyyyybugggyy,

Well,I am on quite a few medsfor anxiety and OCD,but I can't take antidepressants as unfortunately they cause suicidality in me.....thank you for your reply.
silverlight
silverlight
cici,

Thank you for reaching back to me....I am sorry that you as well can relate.
Yes,it seems like there is a lot of pressure to be lighter and happier once springtime finally comes,and people don't get it when you just want to hide from the world until winter returns....

Thank you for helping me to feel less alone with this and I hope today is kind to you.
Rruussnn
Rruussnn
My favorite seasons are fall and winter (when there is snow). I have a hard time adjusting to spring. I typically get sad while everyone else seems so happy. But eventually I adjust and can enjoy seeing the cherry blossoms pop.
silverlight
silverlight
Rruussnn,

Thank you for your reply....sorry that you as well can relate to a struggle with spring initially,glad you can ultimately come to enjoy it.
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