Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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gemma339 04/27/2017

Hello friends,

I feel so alone and anxious tonight. I am glad there is a place like this online where I can hopefully talk some things through. I have had depression/anxiety off and on for some years. Anxiety attacks occasionally. I come from a background of abuse and trauma, including rape... Well, I have been doing well for a while, and am going to Unkiversity full time. I am quite lonely as I do it online, and I have an autistic son so can not get out to socialize.

I guess what is really upsetting me tonight may seem silly to some, but I just need someone to hear me...I found my biological father after over 30 years of searching. (long story) I was neglected and made to feel lesser (than thier bio kids) by the parents that raised me. So, I originally spent a lot of money I do not have to meet my bio dad.We have been talking and emailing, texting, quite a bit for six months. I spent 3 days with him and his wife, but the day I was supposed to leave I lost my car keys. I found thme later that day, but meanwhile my bio dad gave me the cold choulder, was rude and put-out. It broke my heart because he said that family could never outstay their welcome.

This was a few weeks ago. Now he has made facebook friends with my little sister (not his biological daughter) and is sending her messages that she is beautiful, and liking all her pictures including her kids. I have children-his grandsons. I am hurting so bad right now, I feel like I am falling apart. Am I over-reacting? I feel so silly and childish. Also, he is not texting or reaching me this week as he ussually does. I cnat stop crying. I am sorry for sharing this here-I just dont know where to go, or who to talk to. I feel like shutting him out to avoid any more pain, but his family will be very angry, as if I am horribly disappointing him. I am just so sad and tense I cannot sleep... ((tears))

Thank you so much for listening...

Much Love,

Aprile

Gladdmatt 04/27/2017

I am very sorry for your pain, but it is very understandable given this situation. If it's any consolation, I never knew my father at all; he was finally located a few months after he died. In your situation, I would be feeling rejected all over again. I do not pretend to know why your birth father is acting this way, but given the sensitivity of this situation it is possible that he is going through many emotions, too. I know how it feels to be all alone, with no friends nearby, and you must be very disappointed and hurt by this turn of events. One thing you might consider is to not contact him for a little while and see if he contacts you. While I still wish I knew my own father, I found out he had many problems; I seem to have inherited his depression, among other things. I hope and pray you can somehow feel better out of all this pain and loneliness.

JAAKK 04/27/2017

I am sorry to hear of your sadness. It took me literally years to figure out I can not fix my family, but I can do something to make myself better. I can let depression and misery control my life and I would never be happy or I can go and find a way to search for positive encouragement, to find a way to get motivated, start living life in a manner that is up lifting. When you start taking care of yourself, realize it or not, people will start noticing the change in your own life. They will start wondering and wanting what you want. There is a passage in the Bible that is good advice to follow: Think on things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, any virtue, anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things. I used to have a small recipe card that I carried with me every where and had a couple questions on it that I would remind myself about; "What am I thankful for today?" "How can I better myself today?"

gemma339 04/27/2017

Hello Gladdmatt and JAKK,
Thank you both so much for your empathetic and wise words. Gladdmatt, I am so very sorry that your father passed away before you located him-how heartbreaking. I am sure this caused a great lack of closure. (big hugs) I am glad I found my dad, but his actions are so confusing and hurtful at times, and other times he is full of compliments. I just feel like retreating in to my little shell to protect myself at this point. I do have finals etc coming up , so I think I will just let it go for the time being, and see what he does. My other issue is that I have two older sons which have he has not met yet-he is supposed to be up for a visit I think in a month or so. I want to get ahold of my emotions and insecurities and do the best thing for all of them. Yet, I worry that perhaps he might treat them the same way in the future and I do not want them to go through that. Sigh. Just baffled on how to proceed..Thank you for caring...
Thank you so much, Jaakk, for your beautiful advice-I love the idea bout the card-I may start doing that! And, as you mention we cannot change the stuff in our families, but I do not want to hold on to this pain...

Thank you both for caring, and all the best!

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