I care very much. I struggle with my mind all the time. I get lost in my thinking. Thats when I make myself call a family member for support. It reminds me that my thinking is off track. Sometimes I have to do that several times a day. Try your best to find ways to distract yourself. Are there any support groups in your area? I found one near me through Google.

I don't think there are any support groups. I doubt it would make a difference, anyways.

I feel sad and lonely all the time so I'm with you

I have a horrible voice in my mind. Cruel and clever at the same time. I've never thought of this voice as my master. My voice is the part of me that is full of self hatred. I also have a voice in my mind that is kind and gentle, it tells me not to be so hard on myself. I've often wondered if other people have similar voices, the good and bad guys. When the cruel voice takes is at the forefront of my mind it almost seems like this is my only voice, like a master, so to speak. I must learn to be kinder to myself. Sending kind vibes.

I think what rules our head is what we give the talking stick to.

If we give the talking stick to the part of us that is gratuitously negative and destructive, that's what gets to control the situation. If we give the talking stick to the part of us that is logical, rational and fair, that's what wins.

We're in control at all times, even when we abdicate control to whatever part of us we have some kind of romantic leaning towards. I see self-destructiveness and negativity as being part of the romance of youth. It's a nice-to-have. When you have bills to pay it gets put to one side.

I used to have very scary thoughts in my head. Still do occasionally. Then I found a med that has really helped decrease the rumination. Are you on meds? Would you be willing to give them a try? The master obviously isn't too controlling, I'd say. You're still alive! So there is a part of you that's fighting, whether you consciously know it or not. Hang in there!