You're a valuable person even if you don't realize it right now. Don't give up on yourself and your dreams. Your feelings probably do not really reflect reality. We tell ourselves negative things all the time, but that doesn't mean we should always listen to ourselves.

you male or female? I cannot tell profile is private and if female go get a new hairdo because it must look good to make you feel good...short is ok...man better hit the barber shop and have it evened out so it looks ok...

I can't believe I did not respond the first time I read your post. That is a major cry for help/love when someone drastically cuts their hair like that. I am sorry you are feeling that much pain right now.

You do sound overwhelmed. You are a beautiful soul. Sometimes the pain gets so bad we do not know what to do with it.

Please keep talking the way you are doing now. I hope you have a good therapist. They can be hard to find. Glimmering vibes coming your way.

(((((HUGS)))))

I would urge a visit to your primary care doc (if you have one) and let them know what's going on. If you have a therapist, please call them and set up an appt. This is something I would not brush off or ignore. I'm very sorry you're in so much pain and this is very worrisome behavior. Please reach out to a professional

Thank you for the response.I am a female billwfriend.My hurt was consuming me and no I dont see a therapist anymore cant afford to see one.I feel several things triggered me cutting my hair.I am actually glad I cut the hair instead of reacting on other thoughts.Hair will grow back.The anniversary of my brothers death was a trigger for me I feel and just the way my family treats me and I seem to have no one absolutelty no one to talk to besides my family.We seem to have a love hate relationship.I considered myself to be used only when I am needed by my mom and siblings.I get to the point I will stay home instead of putting up with my family.Im not married no kids just me and my dog.I have tried meeting people at church this area I live in is so clickish they speak at church then ignore you if they see me any where else.My mom moved me to this area after my dad died when I was nine yrs old
she likes it here I cant stand it or the people.I am calmer and feel I made it through this last storm just dread the next one.

To me you sound locked into a life not big enough for you. You talk of your mother and church and the clickeyness - but there's a whole world out there to explore.

At 45 you can leave town, go travel a bit, try some different places and some different people. Don't let yourself get locked into thinking that the parochial small-town clique you are a badlly-treated part of is in any way relevant to you. You can just drop it on the floor and move on with your life.

These people are only important if you put them centre stage. Jump in your car and go live somewhere else!

"I am actually glad I cut the hair instead of reacting on other thoughts. Hair will grow back."

Certainly, and I have done the same kinds of thing even to the point of once shaving my entire body only to next discover weeks of itching along with that temporary relief!

Where you speak of a love/hate relationship, my own birth family was quite dysfunctional and today I have little contact with any of them. I have told them they can all still do exactly as they please but that I will no longer tolerate any of their nonsense (hyper-criticism and/or condemnation of myself and others) being dumped upon me...and maybe something like that could be helpful to you, if applicable.

Finding friendship and fellowship in a religious setting is something at least elusive for me, but I would encourage you to not just abandon that idea altogether. I look for others like myself wherever they might be and then place my focus upon spending time with them.

I am wanting to move on I feel like I am in a area that has no water and I am dying a thirst.I have a friend who lives in wyoming and when I am able to afford to I want to go visit her.Even mentioned moving up this way.Nothing will happen over night due to expense and me being on disability.It tried returningto work recently and due to health issues was unable to keep the job.I really tried and was hurt when I was let go from the job.My mind tells me I can work but my body refuses to allow me to even keep a part time job.I am in hopes that with some health things hopefully taken care of in the near future I might atleast hold down a part time job.For now I just putter around the house and spend time with those who choose my company.My hair cut has been complimented several times actually and I doubt I will miss the long hair with summer allmost hair.Might need evened up eventually but for now its fine I figure.Trying to figure out how to save some money in order to get some work done on my car.Thank you everyone for your input.I stayed home this Sunday did not have a desire to even go to church or try a new one.I also feel I need some distance with my dysfunctional family hope to get it some day.For now I call and check on my family but dont see them on a daily basis.