Like so many others, I have a laundry list of complaints. I guess what’s really frustrating is that, though I have so many answers, I don’t seem to have the right ones. One of my biggest problems is that I have no one to talk to, no one who can listen or hold the space. My therapist couldn’t meet with me again this week, one of my few cherished sources of emotional support. But even with that in my life, I feel far too alone.

Depression really sucks. I guess where I’m lucky is that mine could be so much worse than it is. But it could also be so much better. Everything feels like a challenge, like wading through water on an empty gas tank. Desperate for relief, I started medication last week and it did not go well at all. And with my genetic testing in hand, steering me clear of land mine interactions, it was supposed to go well. Instead, I was deathly ill for 4 straight days. No relief.

It’s so hard to hold onto strength when things refuse to get easier. I try to hang on, search for guidance, but it's getting harder all the time.