I feel like such a failure. I have wrecked or put a damper in Christmas for a lot of people. I have one friend though I think I have lost his friendship. His entire family lives on the east coast, except for one sister who lives out west. My friend, Mike's father died suddenly last year. His family did not want his mother to spend her first Christmas back home and months ago decided she should get away for Christmas. They decided she should go visit the sister and sister's husband. Since she is elderly, someone had to accompany her so Mike said he would do so. He invited me along for the trip. For months I dreaded this trip because I don't like leaving home. I was so anxious in the weeks before the trip. I was pleasantly surprised when my anxiety eased up a bit when we actually left. We went out to eat the first day then Mike and I went back to the hotel and crashed out. His mother is at his sister's house. We did our own thing Sunday and for the first time in months I enjoyed myself. I was laughing and giddy, which is unlike me. Yesterday we met up with his sister, brother-in-law and mother. While at the sister's house my depression suddenly hit me. I was trying not to cry. We went out to eat but I couldn't eat. The whole night I was miserable and wanted to go back to my hotel room. We were supposed to go to his sister's for Christmas dinner. I didn't want to go. Mike said fine then I didn't have to go but he said he is upset and can't hide that. I knew I wouldn't be able to get through the dinner and ensuing hours of visiting without making everyone else unhappy either. I thought I was doing everyone a favor staying away. My friend is furious and I doubt we will even talk after this trip. We have been friends for years. Meanwhile I'm in a town with tons to do and don't want to leave the room. Thanks for reading.