It's been such a rough year, lots of loss. I'm new to the group, but I am doing so at the suggestion of my therapist. She is hoping that having someone to talk to might help. I apologize for the long story in advance.

I married my best friend in May and I couldn't have been happier. We went to Ireland for our honeymoon, my dream vacation spot. We had an amazing time for two weeks. I had no idea the pain I was going to experience...Just a few weeks after we got back (around the July time frame), my husband left his email open on the laptop. I happened to notice in his deleted items folder (it was already opened) a bunch of emails back and forth from Craigslist. Long story short, he got off on emailing women and sending/receiving explicit pictures. A few of those women were prostitutes, some were just normal women who were trying to do the same thing. The emails said that he would meet them, do this that and the other, etc...I won't get into the details. He had one woman who became obsessed with him and wouldn't stop calling and texting him. I found out about all of this after I confronted him about the email. Our marriage and friendship has been in the toilet ever since.

I feel so unloved, unneeded, and ugly. I've had some issues with mental abuse by my step-father and my ex-husband, so these are feelings that I had had in the past. My current husband never made me feel that way before. In fact, he had really been helping me get through all of this. So for all of this to come out, it was heartbreaking. I felt like he violated our vows.

To make matters worse, I found out my father passed away in November. He hadn't been in my life for 29 years, but I was always hoping that I could reconnect with him. After he passed, I contacted my half-sister (she's 20 years older than I am and I hadn't seen her in 20 years) via Facebook and found out that she had been looking for me for over a year! My father wanted to see me before he passed (he had terminal cancer). I was able to go to his viewing and funeral, but I just feel so awful that I'll never get to know him now. The opportunity was there and I missed it. He wanted to see me and wanted me to be in touch with my sisters (yes, I learned I had a sister I didn't even know about!).

After my husband and I returned from the funeral, he was getting stuff out of our car and didn't notice that our cat slipped out into the garage. So when we left, she darted out into the cold. She's been missing for a month now. No sign of her. I'm devastated. We've had quite a few cold nights and a bit of snow. I just pray each night that she is still alive and will find her way back home to us.

I really am at the point where I dread getting out of bed in the morning. My mother isn't overly communicative with me. I haven't talked to her since Thanksgiving. I guess I'm not important enough in that realm. All of my friends live in another state, so I've lost touch with them. I really don't know what else to do. Even medicated, which usually helps, I still feel an emptiness inside. I just wish I knew how to make it all go away.