DentalMajor, I'm so sorry about all that you are going through. I don't know how old you are, but you seem to be in your teens? I am a mom of adults now, but I have dealt with depression all my life. I know it just doesn't seem like things could possibly get better, while you are hurting so deeply. It's just miserable and seems no one can ever understand. I used to self harm when I was young, too. I was sexually abused and felt like trash. I assure you your parents love you so much, but they are only doing all they know to do to help you. They want you to be here on earth and be as healthy and happy as you can possibly be. I promise you things will get better. There is hope...I want to tell you that God loves you so much. He truly does...Just like you are, broken and feeling worthless. You are worth something. You are so special to Him and your family. Life is full of ups and downs. The down part really sucks! You can get back up. Grieve, but don't live in your grief. These are the things I try to tell myself. Cry and scream at the devil to get out of your life and give it all to Jesus. He is willing to take it. He said come all of you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. He loves you so much. Everything will be OK. You will get through this. I promise you! You are loved!

I don't believe in God and my mom tends to be emotionally and physically abusive and I do live my life in grief and I can't get out

I'm sorry your mom is abusive. Is there someone you trust you can talk to? Can you talk to a school counselor? Also, I can't talk you into believing in God, but I would ask that you at least consider the what ifs? Just know you are not alone. I am here to listen if you want. If I could give you a great big hug I would! You can message me if you'd like. I'm listening!

I am sorry for all that you have been through. If your mom is being physically abusive, you should talk to your school counselor. You can contact the Department of Social Service to report the abuse and when you are being abused, call the police immediately.

I'm sorry for the pain you are in. I have a friend who was sexually abused years ago. Her coping mechanism was turning to drugs and alcohol. She was healed by continuous prayer (like your parents) along with counseling. She's been free from drugs and alcohol now for years. Have you considered speaking to your local pastor or a counselor.

Don't have a local pastor. I'm a Buddhist

Ok. I don't know much about the Buddhist religion but I know most religions have this one thing in common 'The power within to change our circumstances'. It's already within you. Self enlightenment. Awareness is universal. You are stronger than you think. I'm rooting for you.

I'm weak even in the eyes of my own religion

hugs. too tired to write more. hang in there.

What do Buddhists believe happens when you die? Or commit suicide? Whatever it is, do you think that would feel better than this temporary depression you are in? Depression can be treated and get better but suicide is a permanent choice for a temporary problem. Please don't do it. Are you on medicine, seeing a therapist? Telling them current things aren't helping and getting them to try something else? Please consider this, and please post how you are doing? Hugs and prayers that you are hanging in there!