Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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eshaw 07/25/2015

What you do when you hit rock bottom? When you don't want to burden your family or few close friends with everything that is too overwhelming to place on anyone else. When you no longer know yourself, and you survive, at whatever cost it has on your identity as a human being? When you are the true definition of failure. When you can't talk to even your closest friends because you don't want to bring them down. When you have destroyed everything that ever brought joy and purpose to your life? When you have someone depending on you for happiness and depends on your survival, but you can't pull yourself up? Do I check myself into a hospital? I hate who I've become. I can't even be fully honest here, with strangers, because I'm too ashamed. Is my daughter better off knowing the truth, that I'm mentally ill and can't function, or is she better off not knowing the truth, and living without me? I only ever wanted to give her a life without turmoil and pain. I wanted to prove I could raise her without destroying her soul. She's so incredibly beautiful. I'm so scared.

ThePepperMan 07/25/2015

I have never met somebody who was glad their mother killed themself, and there are a lot of people here who have lost a parent to suicide.

You did not say how old your daughter is, and if her father is in her life of not.

Most of us here have found that telling our children very little when they are young is the best plan. Then as they grow older give them just enough information to help them understand thing, but not so much that it burdens them.

Yes, that is a very difficult decision to make. Just remember that you can always tell them more, but once you have talked to them you can not UNtell them.

Do you have a therapist? Do you have a plan in place to cope with issues that come up?

gentle hugs

eshaw 07/25/2015

She is 14. Her dad is in her life, but not supportive of her goals and education. Without me, she would suffer many losses. If I check myself in, she would suffer incredible losses. She needs me, if for nothing else but helping her with school, and getting her there. I know this and most days it keeps me keeping on. But I can't eat, I can't think rationally and I can't get out of bed most days. I'm not ok, and I can't keep pretending to be. I don't have a therapist, but waiting for one to be hired that will accept Medicaid. On meds, but they're not helping. I'm sorry if I'm negative, I just don't know what to do, I never thought I'd hurt her.

eshaw 07/25/2015

Thanks Pepperman, for responding and caring. Hugs!

alanav21 07/25/2015

Many days, my daughter is the only reason I get out of bed. Many days, I don't want to burden my few friends with my struggle. That's why I love coming here, you guys understand , and if people don't feel like they can help me, they don't have to comment. There are many posts I don't comment on, not because I don't care, but because I don't know what to say. I relate to this because we both have daughters who need us. Mine is 10, and she knows that both mom and dad have depression issues. She might not understand completely, but she knows. I could never leave her. Please don't feel ashamed to be honest with us, as far as I can tell, no one here will judge you. If your meds aren't helping, could you change to something else, or add on, see if it makes a difference?

robbiefm 07/25/2015

Hiya eshaw. Sorry to read that you are struggling. I do relate. Yes I too have felt suicidal at times. Not sure if your psot mentioned you were but anyhow dark depression normally goes hand to hand with suicidal ideation. I have a15 year old daughter and a son of 11. When really low which thankfully is not very pfetn these days, I just think of them. Kids need a parent/guardian to turn to. It would be unfair for me to have my daughter as the parent. As I m her parent. She needs me there be it in the background most of the time, but just to be there.

Dig deep hun. You are reaching out for support so well done. Try and keep busy. Excercise would take the edge of dark moods. Meds have their place. Here if you need a chat.

mark x

Desigol1979 07/25/2015

Both my parents are dead. My Father was killed in the Northern Ireland 'Troubles' when I was ten; and my Brother was Six MONTHS old; and then Mum died of Parkinson's in January 2008. But it has been the making of me.

jkj68 07/25/2015

We are NOT here to judge. At least I am not. That is the great part about this site. Is that we can be anonymous, and get as close as we allow ourselves. It is so difficult for us to open up to our friends and family for fear of scrutiny. They know we are struggling, they just don't know how. But we can come here and say anything. Your daughter loves you and that is all that matters. As she grows older, you may be able to share things with her. You may need to. I am here if you need to talk and understand all the ramifications of this. So please, keep reaching out. (((hugs)))

gramybear 07/25/2015

What I would suggest to you is to find a family counselor that deals with parents with our issues and also know how to talk with children to help them understand at a child's level. Your child needs you and I hope you will at least consider a family counselor. We love and care about you eshaw, please know that. Hugs GB

eshaw 07/25/2015

Thanks for your responses. I appreciate you all for taking time to comment and offer suggestions/advice. I want to reply to each of you personally, but its been a long day, didn't sleep last night and I'm exhausted. I will look into getting a family counselor. That's a great idea. I have asked if I could bring her into counseling before, and its always a, yeah sure, maybe. I think that would be a good place to start.

heatherhurts 07/27/2015

Dearest eshaw, first let me give you big (((((HUGS))))). The mental anguish you describe is something I really understand. You did a great job of expressing yourself.

I want you to know I am here for you. I am going to complete this post by pm.

heatherhurts

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